A Young Man's Fancy
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Spring is when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love and sometimes even the most fleeting of romances can leave a lasting impact.
1. Chapter 1

There was no thought at all when Jimmy took off down the boardwalk toward the woman who had just climbed out of the stagecoach. He saw her and ran to her, his heart beating nearly out of his chest. It had been so long and yet there she was and who would have thought that she'd be there of all places. He ran and caught up with her and began to speak.

"I never thought I'd see you her-"

The words died on his tongue as the young lady turned to face him and it was not her.

"Beg your pardon, ma'am," he choked out as he took the two steps back to connect with the wall next to the doorway of the barber shop. "I thought you was someone else. My apologies."

He leaned back and watched as the complete stranger went along her way with scarcely a nod to him. He felt like he had been punched in the gut—weak in the knees and about to lose his breakfast. It wasn't that it hadn't been her that upset him and it wasn't even that he thought it had been. It was the remembering that it couldn't possibly be her—not today and not ever.

Feeling the tears stabbing at his eyes he stormed back down the boardwalk and swung himself into his saddle and took off like he was chased by demons. Maybe he was at that. And if not demons then ghosts for sure.

He rode until he couldn't see to direct the horse anymore. Too much dust had gotten in his eyes, he told himself. He slowed Sundance—why did he torture himself with that?—and dismounted. There was a tree a few yards off but he thought it might have been miles with how rapidly the strength was leaving his legs. Somehow he made it though and found himself leaning against the tree, grasping it as if for his very life. Jimmy could feel tears burning trenches down his cheeks and it infuriated him to still be so weak to the memories. He drew his arm back and punched the tree's trunk as hard as he could. It hurt but it felt better than the visions invading his mind—the smells, the sights, the sounds that overtook him. Jimmy fell to his knees at the base of the tree and shut his eyes tight knowing that wouldn't stop what was already in his head. His head that filled with so many things he never wanted to see again and yet he couldn't control it. Jimmy raised his head and let it drop against the tree and then threw his head against the tree as hard as he could. He banged his head against the trunk hoping that maybe he could dislodge and rid himself of the horrible things that overtook all of his senses.

* * *

Kid had been standing outside Tompkins' store when Jimmy took off after the lady from the stage. He watched the whole thing in puzzlement and then concern as Jimmy ran to Sundance and near to flew out of town. He knew that Jimmy wouldn't want company but also knew that sometimes what a man wants and what he needs are two different things. So he pulled himself astride Katy and took off after his friend.

Kid didn't necessarily want to interfere with whatever Jimmy needed to do but he was worried. He rode at an easy pace following Sundance's trail and hoping he'd find his friend merely in quiet reflection. Had that been the case he would have just turned and gone on home. But it was not the case at all.

What he found was Jimmy on his knees next to a tree about half the way to beating himself unconscious against the trunk. He hadn't wanted to approach at all. In fact, Kid's whole plan had been to ascertain his friend's safety and wait for him at home. They could talk later and it would be better. But he could not allow Jimmy to bludgeon himself to death with a tree. He ran to the tree and grabbed both of Jimmy's arms and pulled the man forcibly away from the tree. Once Jimmy was far enough away to not hurt himself, Kid released him and was rewarded for his efforts with a punch to the jaw.

"What the hell, Jimmy?" he hollered.

Jimmy just stood over Kid as if he didn't recognize this man who'd been near to a brother to him and maybe he didn't. Maybe he wasn't seeing him at all. Or maybe he was seeing something else. Kid could do nothing but look into Jimmy's glare. He watched as a small trail of blood worked its way from above his hairline and down his cheek toward his clenched jaw.

Kid wasn't sure if he should speak or not. For all of Jimmy's unpredictability and violent hot-headedness, Kid had never feared the man before. The man standing over Kid right now only mildly resembled his friend and was more fearsome than nearly any man he had encountered before. There was a wild eyed rage radiating off of him. His nostrils flared and his chest heaved with his breathing. His eyes were dark and seemed to see in all directions at once. It was possible that speaking right then would reach whatever part of Jimmy, his friend and brother, there was lurking beneath the surface but then perhaps it might just make those hands, curling repeatedly into fists at his side, go for his guns. Kid knew he might be able to take Jimmy in a gunfight—not that he wanted to—but he also knew he wouldn't come out unscathed."

The two stared at each other for what felt to Kid like an eternity but then he saw a change. Something registered within Jimmy. He was still angry and looked every bit the 'wild' in 'Wild Bill' but Kid no longer feared him for Jimmy had returned. Kid knew that he was safe from finding out just how evenly matched he and his friend were at gunplay. He still stayed silent, waiting for Jimmy's next move.

"What the hell you doing here, Kid?" Jimmy growled, "You damn near got yourself shot."

"Not if I shot you first," Kid said, "I's just seeing you were okay. The way you tore out of town made me worry. I guess I was right to. You should be thanking me. Even a head as hard as yours wouldn't take being beat with a tree forever."

Jimmy just glared at Kid.

"Don't need no nursemaid hovering over me."

"I ain't no nursemaid, Jimmy. I'm your friend and from where I'm standing you really need one of those," Kid defended himself.

"Then stand somewhere else," was Jimmy's snarled reply.

"Who was that girl in town?" Kid asked.

"I don't know," Jimmy said tightly, "I ain't never laid eyes on her before in my life."

"Then who did you think she was?"

"None of your business."

"You got to talk to someone," Kid protested.

"I don't got to do nothing," Jimmy snapped, "You are just all about everybody talking about everything except for yourself. Maybe I got the right to some secrets. Maybe I get to keep some things to myself. Maybe I especially don't need to pour my heart out to a man won't even tell me his damned name!"

"Jimmy, you're bleeding," Kid noted, "At least come on back and let Rachel take a look at your head."

Reaching up Jimmy winced as his fingers made contact with the small cut on his head and he studied the blood on his fingers when he pulled them away.

"I'm fine," Jimmy said, "Go on home, Kid. I'd rather be alone."

"What do you want me to tell the others?"

"Don't much care," Jimmy said barely concealing the anger in his voice. "Seems a man ought to be able to get off by himself a while and think without it being everyone else's business."

Kid hated the thought of leaving Jimmy after the scene he had come upon.

"I still think you should let someone look at that head."

"Ain't nothing in it to hurt," Jimmy said almost too soft to hear, "I'll clean it in a bit."

"You'll be back for supper?"

"Not sure," Jimmy answered, "Don't wait up for me."

Kid really did not feel good about this.

"Jimmy, it's going to get cold tonight," he argued, "You can't stay out here all night."

"Good old Kid," Jimmy laughed bitterly as he shook his head, "You just know what's best for everyone, don't you?" he had been pacing away from Kid but then he whirled on his friend. "You don't get to tell me what I can or can't do."

"Will you let me bring you a bedroll and some supper if you're not back before dark? I promise I won't stay."

"If it'll make you happy, Kid."

Reluctantly Kid sighed and walked back to Katy and hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake by leaving Jimmy alone. He understood and respected a need to be alone to think or remember or whatever it was Jimmy had to do but he frankly didn't trust Jimmy not to hurt himself again. If he came back out later to find that Jimmy had succeeded in beating his brains in, forgiving himself would be the least of his worries.

Watching Kid climb onto Katy's back and ride away, Jimmy slumped to the ground. He was exhausted and his head was starting to throb. And the memories were still there as clear as day. They came back and overtook him and slowly everything around him fell away to be replaced by ghosts and visions of another time.

* * *

Jimmy stood in the only place his thirteen year old self ever wanted to be, doing the only thing he wanted to do most days. Chores were finished and his time until supper was his own. So he'd headed to the clearing in the woods and set to practicing shooting. He was doing well too. Someday perhaps he would not be so easy to overlook or brush aside. He had just finished reloading his gun when he heard the snap of a branch behind him. Jimmy spun around, gun drawn and at the ready.

The girl sitting sidesaddle on the beautiful palomino looked startled and possibly frightened for only a moment before collecting herself. She smiled and began speaking in a drawl that dripped with honey.

"My, my, it does seem the stories of this 'wild west' are not exaggerations. I assure you, sir, that I am unarmed."

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said as he lowered the gun, "You surprised me."

"I dare to say I'm lucky I did too," she told him, "You see we've only just moved here and I seem to have gotten myself turned around. I was becoming ever so frightened until I espied a brave knight who might just lead me to safety. You could do that for me, couldn't you?"

"I, uh, yeah, I think so anyway," he stammered. She talked so pretty and flowery that he wasn't even entirely sure what she was saying all the time and he kept finding himself distracted by how soft her hair looked. He hadn't ever thought of such a thing before but there she sat with her coal black hair dropping in ringlets from under her hat and all he could think about was finding out if that hair was as soft as it looked. "Where do you need me to lead you?"

She smiled at him again and he felt his stomach flip over inside him. She couldn't be much older than he was and yet she was so self-assured while he was anything but. He watched her gracefully hop down from her horse and willed himself to keep his mouth from hanging open. She came toward him and it was all he could do to not back away from her approach.

"First of all I believe I would like to sit and rest a short while," she began, "I have been in that saddle what feels like hours."

She paused and cocked her head before speaking again.

"Now where are my manners?" she wondered aloud, "What on earth would Mammy say?"

Somehow Jimmy knew the questions weren't for him so he just kept staring at her. Really even if she had asked him something he probably couldn't have answered. But then she stuck her hand toward him.

"I am Cordelia Bell and might I know the name of my hero?"

Jimmy looked around awkwardly before taking her hand and shaking it lightly.

"Uh, J-James Hickok," he said as if unsure that it really was his name, "Most folks call me Jimmy though."

"I am most pleased to make your acquaintance, Jimmy," she smiled brightly at him and for maybe the first time since he had met Miss Cordelia Bell he felt that she was being completely genuine with him. "My friends call me Delia."

Jimmy could only offer a small, hesitant smile as he led her to a fallen tree that served admirably as a bench of sorts. He sat next to her but not too close to her. Surely not as close as he wanted to sit to her. He wanted to be right next to her, close enough to smell her hair. He'd absolutely never felt like this before but then he wasn't around girls all that often except for his sisters and they didn't really count. He thought perhaps they did but now he suddenly realized not all girls were created equal. He would have loved to have spoken to her, asked her where she had moved from, anything to get her talking but he was terrified. Aside from the fact that he'd rarely spoken to young ladies before, his voice was beginning to change and would embarrassingly crack at the worst times. He feared that it would right then too.

"Have you lived here all your life, Jimmy?" her question broke the silence. He merely nodded but didn't miss the sigh that escaped her. Could it be she really wanted to have a conversation with him? She looked like a younger version of the fine ladies in town and spoke like no one he had ever met and she wanted to talk to him. He was still dirty from his chores and knew his hair was wild as it poked out from under his hat.

"How long is all your life exactly?" she asked and when he furrowed his brow at her she clarified, "How old are you?"

"Thirteen," he answered and then felt emboldened by her relieved smile at him speaking, "Thirteen just last week."

"I'll be fourteen in a month," she said, "Fancy meeting a handsome stranger on my first day out and exploring and then finding he is my age as well. I doubt I could have hoped for as much when Sundance and I set out earlier."

"Sundance?"

"My horse," she explained, "Doesn't your trusty steed have a name?"

He almost laughed at the description of the animal as a trusty steed. Jimmy wasn't even sure exactly what that meant but it sounded far too grand a description for the poor old mare. She was still a fine horse and had good legs under her. But she was hardly what she had been in her prime and that wasn't even anything all that special.

"Dusty," he said simply.

"Why that's just a lovely name," Delia assured him, "Fitting for such a pretty girl too."

Jimmy took another look at poor old Dusty and suddenly saw her differently. She wasn't that old really and he supposed her chestnut coat was sort of pretty after all. Still she hardly compared to the beautiful palomino that Delia had been riding and he said as much.

"Sundance is a magnificent animal," she agreed, "But then I find all horses have their own dignity much like people. Don't you agree?"

He hadn't really thought much about it but then he supposed that was what his pa was always going on and on about at Vigilance Committee meetings, the dignity of all people. He guessed he had never really thought to apply that to anything else. But then he nodded and then he went on to think that it was a strange thought to come from someone like her. But then he really didn't know a single thing about her.

After a while Cordelia announced that she was sufficiently rested. She did not, however, feel like riding anymore, declaring that it seemed she had been in the saddle what felt like forever already. So the two of them walked leisurely and led their respective horses along.

Delia was walking incredibly close to Jimmy's side and he wondered if she knew how her scent made him lightheaded. He thought he might just fall over dead when her arm brushed his and he was made even dizzier when her fingers lightly wound around his elbow.

The silence closed around him and all Jimmy wanted to do right then was hear her lilting, musical voice. He wasn't sure if he could speak without his voice cracking but he just had to chance it.

"So Delia," he began, delighting in the way her name rolled off his tongue. "Where did you move from?"

"South Carolina," she answered, "Charleston. I hope you don't take offense but I was furious when Daddy said we had to move here. I was sure he was dragging me to some desolate barren wasteland."

"It must have been hard to leave your friends and where you're used to," Jimmy told her, "And it's not much for excitement around here either."

"Oh yes it was hard indeed," she agreed and then met his eyes with a wide smile across her face. "But now that I'm here I think I'm going to like it a whole awful lot."

Jimmy wasn't sure what she meant by that but his spirit soared when she gave his arm a squeeze to emphasize her point. By that time they were emerging from the woods and found themselves staring straight at the small farm he called home.

"Uh, this is where I live," he said sounding nearly ashamed of his family's simple existence.

"So this is where I should look for you if you're not shooting holes in innocent trees?" she asked sweetly.

He said nothing as he led her past the farm and toward town.

"Do you have brothers or sisters, Jimmy?" she inquired of him and he somehow felt she was trying to shift the topic away from his home. He was grateful.

"Yeah, got three older brothers," he replied, "They've left home now. And I got two bratty little sisters. How 'bout you?"

"My older sister, Elizabeth, is married and just gave birth to my darling niece three months ago," she told him, "Mother was simply devastated to have to leave her first grandchild. My brother Ephraim is studying to be a lawyer. I am the baby of the family. How old are your sisters?"

"Celinda's eleven and Lydia's eight."

"I just bet they are darling," she said.

"Maybe if you don't have to live with 'em."

"I am sure Ephraim has said the same about me many times."

They walked a while more and when they were nearly on the outskirts of town, Delia spoke again.

"I can see our house now," she said and Jimmy wondered if he imagined the sadness in her voice and if he had not imagined it then wondered what it could mean. The house was very nice and he didn't think living there should make someone sad. "Thank you very much for coming to my rescue. I have enjoyed spending time with you, Jimmy."

"Uh, yeah, me too," Jimmy replied and felt instantly stupid. Surely she must think he was and he knew compared to her he sounded like an idiot.

"Is it too forward of me to ask if I can see you again?"

"I don't know about forward but I'd sure like to—see you again, that is," he answered.

Cordelia looked at him for a few moments as if expecting him to speak but he had no idea what he was supposed to say. Finally she sighed.

"I am sure I don't have a thing to do tomorrow," she said blinking her large eyes at him, "Perhaps in the morning?"

"I have chores in the morning," Jimmy told her, feeling once again embarrassed by a life that was clearly so different from hers.

"I could maybe keep you company while you work, unless you aren't allowed visitors then…or maybe you'd rather I not come at all."

She looked suddenly sad and Jimmy couldn't stand that at all.

"I just figured you'd be bored was all," he nearly stammered and his voice cracked. He wanted right then to fall in a hole and die. Delia seemed to not even notice the nearly feminine squeak that had escaped him.

"I somehow doubt I could ever be bored around you, Jimmy Hickok," Delia said, her sadness evaporating before his eyes, "I believe Sundance and I will have to ride on over after breakfast."

She laid her hand gently on his cheek before turning and leading the beautiful horse toward her home.

* * *

**Yes another story...I should be ashamed of myself...in fairness I thought this would be a fun little one shot...I merely asked Jimmy how his horse got such a fanciful name as Sundance...should have known it wasn't a simple or even all that fun of a story. But now that I am writing it I feel compelled to finish. The good thing is that I pretty much know what happens so that is good.  
For those following my other stories, I will finish them too but I really needed to let Jimmy get this off his (well-muscled) chest. And isn't 13 yr old Jimmy kind of cute?-J**


	2. Chapter 2

Something—he wasn't sure what exactly—brought Jimmy from his memories and he realized he was cold. Once the sun began its descent, there was just nothing for heat and it got cold. He knew that any other night he'd be snug in the bunkhouse with his friends. But while he was busy building who he thought he wanted to be, he forgot that there's no erasing who he used to be, at least not in his own mind. There was no way to face his friends without them knowing the guilt and shame he carried and he just wasn't ready to tell any of them about it—if indeed he ever would be.

Looking up Jimmy noticed a shape approaching. On another day he would have already had at least one of the Colts clear of its holster but right then he was just too tired and cold and he just didn't care anymore anyway. Maybe he did care a little after all as he felt a huge wave of relief sweep over him when he realized it was just Kid showing up with the promised bedroll and plate of food. Jimmy blinked a few times, he hadn't even realized it was near to dark but, looking around now, he could see the first stars of the evening making their appearances.

"So you're not coming back tonight?" Kid asked when he was close enough to his friend. He had opted to dispense with greetings and pleasantries when he had seen the haggard look on Jimmy's face and noted that the other man's gun was not drawn. It worried him and he wondered if he could get Jimmy to let him stay. Kid watched as Jimmy only shook his head. Casting his eyes around, Kid could see that poor Sundance was still saddled so he handed the items he had brought with him to Jimmy and went to tend to the poor animal.

Once Sundance was seen to, Kid brought the saddle over to Jimmy and noticed that the food had not been touched. He knew full well his friend hadn't eaten since breakfast but he chose not to push it right then and set to collecting wood for a fire. He didn't know what was eating at Jimmy and might never but he knew that if roles were reversed that Jimmy would look out for him and for Lou too. He had looked out for them numerous times and there was just no way he'd let his friend, his brother, sit shivering all alone and hungry.

"So, Jimmy," Kid began settling himself on the ground next to his friend after getting a fire going. "I know you don't have to tell me a damned thing. I know that. But if you wanted to, I'm here."

His words were met by silence.

"Or we can just sit here and be quiet," Kid went on, "That's good too."

Jimmy only vaguely heard Kid speak but didn't register the words. The silence that fell between them reminded him of something, something he sometimes wanted to forget but right now felt he needed to grasp a hold of. He closed his eyes and let the memory come.

* * *

"Jimmy!" his father's voice called to him and he stuck his head out of the barn where he was working. "Jimmy, you got a visitor."

Heat spread over Jimmy's cheeks at seeing Delia standing behind his father and so transfixed was he by her dark curls and bright smile that he didn't notice the disapproving look on his father's face. He wouldn't have understood it if he had taken notice of it anyway. Jimmy just offered Delia an awkward smile. He had finished breakfast a while ago and set to work thinking perhaps she had changed her mind about coming. It was alright, he told himself. Sure she was pretty and made him feel giddy and dizzy and almost sick—in a good way—when he was close to her but he had only met her the once. He had helped her and she had been friendly in gratitude. That was it. It made perfect sense and she probably ought to spend time with girls her age and boys who understood her life. Still he didn't understand why there was a pain deep in his gut when he thought she wasn't coming to see him or why he had the thought that maybe when he was done with his chores he should go and call on her.

But here she was smiling and giving him a small wave, which he returned and then motioned her to him. She sauntered over, her smile widening as she drew nearer to him and for the first time he wondered if maybe she was affected by him as he was by her. He couldn't imagine that was the case but he liked the idea that maybe he could make someone else's insides tie in knots and make their heart speed so fast it felt like it might explode.

"Am I to assume your father didn't know I was coming to visit?"

"I, uh, wasn't sure you really were," Jimmy admitted shyly as he led her into the barn and set back to work. Delia found a barrel she could sit on.

"I said I was coming over," she huffed at him, "Are you calling me a liar, Jimmy Hickok?"

"No," he squeaked and openly cringed, "I just…well I thought…I don't know."

Delia's frown softened and her copper eyes sparkled.

"I guess you just don't know me well enough yet," she said brightly, "You did only meet me yesterday."

Jimmy smiled and continued his work for a short while content that he had not horribly offended her. He never thought she was lying, just that she maybe had reconsidered, changed her mind. He could have understood that after all.

"I don't think your father likes me very much," Delia ventured looking slightly concerned over the fact.

"He don't know you either," Jimmy pointed out, "He only met you just now. Maybe he'll get to like you."

"I sure do hope so," she said.

Jimmy could not believe her words. He couldn't understand why she cared one way or the other how his father felt about her but then he got what he thought was maybe an inkling of why it mattered to her and felt emboldened at the idea.

"Delia, you wouldn't maybe want to go for a ride or something after I finish my chores, would you?"

"Why Jimmy," she brightened, "I think that would be simply lovely. Maybe if you show me around I won't get so lost and then I could spend more time getting to know you."

Her eyes lowered as she said the last part and for some reason that simple movement made Jimmy's head spin. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to finish his chores with as much as she distracted him. He could not get enough of her dark lashes against her creamy cheeks or her sparkling copper colored eyes. And he still could think of little else but how soft her hair looked. If he could get her to keep spending time with him then maybe he could someday be allowed to touch that hair and find out for certain.

Delia sat a while longer, for the duration of time he spent in the barn but when he moved out to the pigs and chickens, she broke the comfortable silence that had settled between them. He at first was concerned that she would be bored if he didn't find something to talk about but she didn't try to start a conversation either. Occasionally he would feel eyes on him and look over to see her gaze quickly shift from him and he could linger his own glance long enough to see the blush creep up her cheeks. He couldn't even begin to describe what that did to his insides.

Delia sat for what simultaneously seemed like hours and seconds watching Jimmy work. It was early in the day but getting hot all the same and at one point he unbuttoned his shirt a few buttons and then pulled it over his head wiping his brow with the garment before draping it over the wall between stalls. Delia's breath caught in her throat. She'd never seen a man's exposed chest before. Of course she knew Jimmy wasn't yet a man but he was close and the manual labor he did served him well. It was all she could do to not stare at his muscles as they rippled under his tanned skin. When Jimmy moved to take his work outside to see to the needs of the pigs and chickens she spoke.

"I believe that once you are finished it will be close to lunch time, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, I guess," he muttered back realizing for the first time that he was half nude before a sophisticated lady. He wasn't highly knowledgeable about women beyond the bragging of his older brothers which he only half listened to since he'd been so young but he understood the significance of exposed skin and wished he wasn't so far from his shirt right then. He focused on Delia waving a fan toward herself. He could see the air moving gently the curls that trailed down the side of her neck.

"Well then I believe I shall set off for home," she told him, "I'll gather something for a picnic. I am sure you must know a nice place where two people could sit and enjoy a meal. You can come to collect me when you've finished."

Her words sounded sure but her eyes asked a question as if the final say in their plans was his.

"That sounds good, Delia," he managed and then was nearly knocked over by the brightness of her smile.

Jimmy had never gotten his chores done as quickly as he did that day. He started to head toward the barn to saddle Dusty but then stopped himself and decided to wash up a little bit first. He couldn't very well show up at her house wearing his dirty, sweaty shirt and smelling like the pigsty. He quickly washed up and put on the cleanest shirt he could find and then saddled Dusty and set out toward Delia's house. He was nervous and yet he couldn't figure out why. He only had a tiny inkling that perhaps he liked this girl. He worried he might have to meet her folks and that was what he figured scared him. If her folks saw him they would know he had no business spending time with her. Of course maybe Delia knew that already and he didn't even know why she would want to spend time with him when he obviously was too different. As he had combed his hair before setting out, he looked longer in the mirror. He knew a good deal of what he liked about Delia—though not all of what he liked about her—was how she looked. He tried to determine if maybe she liked how he looked as well. Staring at himself he couldn't see what the appeal might be but then he wasn't a girl.

As he rode closer to Delia's house he thought more than once about turning Dusty around and heading home. Then his thoughts went to how her smile had brightened when he said he would come and get her. He couldn't let her down. He needed to see that smile again. If she smiled like that to just think he would come get her, he could only imagine what smile he might get for showing up. Her smile was so beautiful and he just had to see it again and her eyes as well. If he thought about it enough then maybe he could figure a way to touch her hair. Maybe accidentally brush against it. Jimmy just had to know if it was as soft as it looked.

He needn't have worried about encountering Mr. or Mrs. Bell. Delia was waiting for him. He released a breath he didn't recall holding. She deftly hopped onto a stump next to Sundance and pulled herself onto her saddle. It still fascinated Jimmy. He had seen girls ride often enough but every one of them wore a skirt that was split for riding and rode astride the animal like he did. Delia actually rode sidesaddle. He had heard of that but had never seen anyone do it before.

Delia had been waiting for Jimmy in front of the house. Her mother was busy and her father was in town at work but still she felt awkward at the idea of him coming into the house. She couldn't shake the feeling that her family's standard of living made him uncomfortable and that was the last thing she wanted. He was so sweet to her; the least she could do was spare him discomfort. She only vaguely remembered when Elizabeth began spending time with young men and she had no idea what she was doing. Perhaps she wanted to someday have him court her but perhaps that wasn't meant to be. Either way, things would go much better if he wasn't uncomfortable around her. It might be necessary at some point for him to meet her family but things would be more solid between them by then. She saw him riding up and climbed onto Sundance's back.

"You wasn't waiting long, was you?" Jimmy asked her.

"Not long at all," she told him breezily, "Is the rest of the day ours then?"

"Yeah," he said, "I don't have to be back until supper."

"Lead on, Sir! I am sure you must be famished after working so hard this morning. I brought some of Mammy's fried chicken. I guarantee you've never had better."

They rode a while in silence until they came upon a small meadow. The grass was soft and there were flowers blooming.

"Is this alright?" he asked her.

"I believe it is perfect."

Delia hopped down and grabbed the basket that was tied to her saddle horn. She then unfurled a large cloth and began setting food out on it. Once they were sitting and eating, Delia decided to try to strike up some conversation. She knew that Jimmy was terribly shy about speaking to her and she guessed it was because his voice was not yet done changing and occasionally squeaked. She thought that was darling and would have loved to have told him so but she was sure she'd only embarrass him worse by bringing it up. So she always just pretended that he had not made the high pitched noise in the hopes that he wouldn't take note of it either.

"So, Jimmy," she began, "Tell be about the town. I'm afraid I don't know a soul here besides you."

Jimmy wasn't sure what to tell her. Sure he could give her the dirt on nearly anyone in town but those he might not have good things to say about were the ones most likely to travel in the circles Delia would be most at home in. He didn't want to say things that would cause problems.

Delia could see Jimmy's inner conflict.

"I'm not asking for rumors or speculation, Jimmy," she assured him, "But if something is the truth then telling me won't hurt a thing."

So he told her about nearly everyone in town. And Delia sat and listened as if his voice and words were the most beautiful she'd ever heard. Jimmy was sure he'd never had anyone look at him that way before.

As Delia listened to Jimmy's voice she realized she felt warm and safe like she hadn't known before or at least not in a very long time. Many of the people he talked about were of the sort she would have been friends with back in Charleston and she probably wouldn't have spared Jimmy a second glance but this wasn't Charleston. This was a new place with different rules and she could be something other than what she had always been. She knew she was happy to have befriended this young man and she would rather have and keep his friendship than to have that of any of the more well-to-do families in town. He was genuine and honest and sweet to her always.

"Thank you," she said softly when he had finished speaking. She was nervous about what she wanted to say next. "I know now I have made a wise choice for my first friend here." She wanted to say more. She wanted to tell him that she thought his eyes were the most beautiful she had ever seen and his dimples when he smiled or laughed made her insides flutter as if they'd just become home to every hummingbird in creation. She wanted to tell him so much but she just could not. It was too frightening a thought without knowing how he felt. She could not lose him and if sitting and speaking of their friendship was the best she could do then it would have to be enough because if she had to spend her days without those dimples and those eyes and the serious way he spoke of things and the sweet blush she saw creep across his cheeks when she caught him looking at her, she didn't rightly think she could manage. Of course she knew the same blush crept onto her own face when she thought of seeing him working in the barn that morning without his shirt. It made her feel things she didn't even know what to do about and think things she knew it was horribly improper to think.

Jimmy wasn't sure how to respond but for some reason his heart fell when she called him friend. He wasn't sure why that was. He liked being her friend but then he thought maybe there was something more. Because he wasn't sure what to say, he stayed quiet for a while until something occurred to him to ask.

"Delia," he ventured, "How did you come up with that name for your horse?"

"Sundance?" she asked and then giggled a little, "I know it sounds silly and terribly girlish, doesn't it? I guess just watching him run and the way the light and shadows move over his body reminded me of sun dancing across a wheat field." She looked at her hands in her lap. "Now that sounded silly. What you must think of me."

"That's beautiful," he said and he meant it. He'd only known a few who used words the way she did. His father could be one of them when he was talking about slavery and its evils and the preacher in town was the other. He'd never heard such talk from a girl. She used the same words as anyone else but somehow the way she put them together made beautiful pictures in his mind. He saw her smile of what looked like relief and was glad she maybe understood that he could never find her silly, at least not in a bad way. They talked a while longer and then decided they should head for their homes. There was no convenient stump or anything else to climb on so Jimmy offered to lift her into her saddle.

He walked to her and placed his hands on her waist and had every intention of just lifting her toward the saddle but then her eyes caught his and he couldn't pull his attention from them. She was so beautiful. He was sure he'd never seen anything quite so lovely in all his life. He could not help himself from bending his head and pressing his lips to hers. He'd never kissed a girl before and he hoped he was doing it right. He thought maybe he was when her lips pressed back into his own and her hands gripped his shoulders. He brought one hand from her waist to lightly touch one of her ringlets. Her hair really was as soft as it looked. They pulled away from each other smiling and a little out of breath.

When Jimmy looked into her eyes, it frightened Delia some. There was such intensity and something possibly akin to danger in his eyes that were steadily darkening. It made her heart beat nearly out of her chest and she wished she could loosen her corset laces without being noticed. She saw his head descend toward hers and a part of her wanted to run. She knew he was about to kiss her and she knew she shouldn't let him. They weren't engaged or even courting. She wasn't even old enough to be courted but then she really didn't want to care about such things anymore and no one was there to see anyway. Then his lips were on hers and she couldn't help returning the kiss. It felt so right to kiss him, so exciting.

After their kiss ended, Jimmy did lift her onto her horse and then turned to Dusty. He took a step toward the mare and then bent and picked a few of the columbine blooming there. He turned back to Delia and extended the flowers to her.

"They aren't quite as pretty as you but they come sort of close."

* * *

**Ah, young love...so sweet. I hope this helps relieve the trauma I might have caused some of my faithful readers with the one shot I recently posted and the updates that have recently been written on one of my multi-chapter pieces.-J**


	3. Chapter 3

Kid sat and watched the flames dance. Jimmy had finally eaten but it seemed more out of habit or something than out of any real awareness of what he was doing. Still his friend had not uttered a word since Kid had been there. Kid took it as a good enough sign that he could stay though. He felt better about being there. If someone did come upon Jimmy in this state, he wasn't sure if Jimmy'd be capable of defending himself and capable wasn't even the point, he probably wouldn't even try. Kid turned his head when he heard a heavy sigh. There was still no word from Jimmy and the other man's gaze never left that spot beyond the flames where it had been since before Kid had sat down.

"I know I'm risking another punch asking anything right now," Kid ventured, "But I feel like I have to. Who was she? I know you don't have to tell me but I still have to ask. I ain't ever seen you act like this. It's a little worrisome if I'm honest."

"Don't matter," was the whispered response that Kid almost thought he imagined.

"Obviously she does matter."

"I never said _she_ didn't matter," Jimmy clarified sounding annoyed, "Just that it don't matter who she was. Not anymore it don't, anyway."

Kid was surprised at the waver in Jimmy's voice then. He had seen Jimmy emotional a handful of times but never this unguarded and he felt an even stronger need to be there to protect this man. He'd never feared for his own safety when Jimmy was around. Even in the beginning when they were just getting to know each other. He might have feared getting caught in the fallout from Jimmy's temper but never doubted the man would watch his back as if they were blood kin. He had always looked out for Jimmy as well, even when Jimmy doubted his motives. Right now though was a chance for Kid to truly keep his friend safe and be there for him. They had disagreements and probably always would but there was a respect between them that wasn't going to fade away any time soon and Kid believed it would always stand.

"If she matters then who she was matters," Kid said matter-of-factly, "I don't see how it wouldn't go both ways. But if you don't want to tell me, you can just say that."

"I don't want to talk about it at all," Jimmy said, "Not to anyone. I don't even want to think about it really and most days I manage that just fine. Today it got the better of me and reminded me that I can't forget it. Don't want to forget it either, don't want to forget her."

Jimmy stopped talking then. Kid waiting for more but realized that was all that would be said on the subject. He got Jimmy to lie down and hoped his friend would get some sleep.

Jimmy rolled over so Kid would think he fell asleep. He was grateful for someone caring for him even though he didn't deserve it. He'd tell him that once this hurt faded back into the background where it usually stayed. For now he thought of Delia. He allowed himself to think of her so little that he sometimes worried he would forget pieces of her. But no matter how much time passed, it seemed, he still remembered her soft scent, her musical lilting voice, her soft coal black curls and eyes the color of copper. Above all else, he remembered how her lips felt pressed to his.

* * *

That day on the picnic had been Jimmy's first and only real kiss at that time. He had been terrified to lean to her but she had not pulled away. She could have. His grip on her was not tight—his hands merely rested on her small waist—and she could have pulled away. She could have slapped him and called him a fool. Instead she pressed her lips back to his and held onto his arms. It felt good but it scared Jimmy a little bit. He hadn't paid nearly enough attention to his brothers when they had been around and now they weren't. His father would be no help. If he wanted to talk about the evils of slavery his dad would be all ears and wise words but asking about a girl, his father would be no help at all. Whatever came next he would have to figure it out on his own. It was a terrifying thought. He knew he wanted to touch her. He wanted to tangle his fingers in her hair. But still he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do and he wasn't sure what she would want him to do. She wasn't one of the girls at the saloon that his brothers used to talk about when he would try to ignore them. He didn't understand the appeal of women or girls or any female for that matter at the time. Now he wished he had paid attention. They spent time with nice girls too. Oliver had even courted and married before he left with his new wife. Jimmy thought maybe he would like to think about courting Delia but he didn't even understand what that meant to court someone and at their ages he was fairly certain that he would not be allowed to, nor would she be allowed to be courted.

When their lips had parted he felt like he lost a piece of himself. He had certainly thought himself whole before he had met Delia and now that he had met her, kissed her; he knew that he had been missing something that only she could provide. He had been missing her even though he hadn't known it until just then.

They rode in silence each contemplating what had happened between them. It seemed no words were needed. Delia looked from time to time at the sprig of flowers in her hand. They were lovely and thoughtful. She would put press them into her diary when she got home. They would forever be right next to where she wrote of her first kiss. There was no way to know where this would go between them but someday her grandchildren would go through that book and ask her about the beautiful flowers preserved between the pages and she would speak of the handsome young man who had offered such sweet words, who had blushed when she caught him looking at her and who had offered her the first taste of womanhood when he tenderly pressed his lips to hers. In her mind it would be the story of how she met their grandfather. They would probably be surprised at the romantic he had been to offer her the flowers with such sweet words but perhaps he would always be a bit of a romantic and they would think nothing of it. She fancied she could hear her someday granddaughter giggling and saying, "That sounds like Granddad alright."

Once Delia's house was in view, Jimmy prodded Dusty a little faster so that he would reach the front gate first. He jumped down and rushed to Sundance and stood there with his arms up in an offer to assist her from her mount. She smiled and leaned to him resting her hands on his shoulders and feeling his hands on her waist as he guided her body safely toward the ground.

Jimmy didn't know why he felt so compelled to do what he did. He'd seen her jump down from the horse's back many times. She was just a friend at those times, he reminded himself. Friends can jump down off their own horses and can climb up on their own as well. He didn't know what to call what she was to him but friend didn't cover it anymore and he could no longer sit idly by and watch her jump to the ground from Sundance's back. She could turn an ankle or worse and besides it was an excuse to touch her, to put his hands on her and feel her warmth and have an extra moment or two to look into her eyes. It was more than those things though. He somehow needed her to know that things were different for him. He needed her to know that they were still friends and he hoped always would be but that he was aware that she was a young lady. He needed her to know that their kiss meant something and he wasn't sure why but helping her from her horse seemed a way to say that without trying to find the words that he knew he couldn't make sound the way he wanted them to. He knew also that, while she was more than capable of getting to the ground herself, that a girl like her shouldn't have to. He probably should have been helping her all along. She surely found him rude and not nearly enough of a gentleman to waste her time with. But perhaps she'd let him make it up to her now if he could show her he did indeed know how to treat a lady.

The chivalrous action bewildered Delia. There was an understanding within her that something had changed between them when their eyes met in that moment before she allowed hers to close as his lips made contact with hers. It was a good thing that no words or conversation was required on their ride home for she was suddenly nervous and shy around him and yet she wanted to spend every waking moment with him and her mind from somewhere in the back hinted that maybe she would someday even wish to spend her non-waking hours with him as well. She'd been about to jump down from Sundance's back when she looked to see him looking uncertainly up at her with his arms raised. It might never be confessed outside of her diary but she was grateful as her own nerves made her fear for the stability of her legs. So unsure was she when she reached for him and yet all doubts and nerves fled once her hands rested on his shoulders. While Jimmy still had the look of a boy not yet fleshed into a man, his shoulders were already broadened. Delia could in fact still picture in her mind's eye the muscles rippling under his skin as he worked shirtless that morning. Those muscles could hold her safely. She could rely on the owner of those shoulders, rest her head on those shoulders and perhaps even cry and confess her fears and heartaches upon those shoulders. Those shoulders and the muscles beneath could support them both, she was sure of it.

Once on the ground Delia felt no rush to walk away and Jimmy felt even less of one to remove his hands from her waist.

"Thank you," she said shyly when she finally found her voice again. There was none of the bold confidence she normally radiated. That was all from trying to emulate Elizabeth anyway. Her sister did not merely act confident, she was. Boys fell all over Elizabeth from even before her debut. They fought over who could carry her packages for her, who would bring her punch or tea cakes at the dances and socials. Delia tried so hard to be like Lizzie but it never rang true coming from her. Jimmy was the first it seemed to take notice of her at all. At first she was just glad to have a friend and then to have a boy see her as a young lady. Now she was grateful it was him she had stumbled upon. He was so sweet. If she had happened upon a different boy, today might not have been the dream day it had turned into. Another boy might have seen her boldness and the way she spoke as an invitation to be equally bold. Jimmy looked as unsure as she felt. She knew he wanted more from her than the gentle kiss but she had an inkling that he knew as little of the more that was out there as she did. That suited her just fine. They could figure things out together and someday would look back over the years of their togetherness and laugh at how innocent they had once been. But right now she could not conjure her usual demeanor and she could see in his eyes that she would never need to again—not for his benefit anyway. Her shy and tentative self was just fine to him, she thought, and that made her even happier.

"I, uh," Jimmy began and was able to mask a crack in his voice as an attempt to clear his throat so that when he continued it would be in the new lower register his voice was trying out. He hoped it wasn't as low as his voice was planning on getting because it still wasn't all that deep but it was lower than it had been and sounded manlier, he thought. "I had a nice time, Delia. This was a good idea you had."

His eyes shifted from hers as he had run out of things to say even though he knew he was just talking for the sake of talking anyway. He just wanted more reasons to stay right there with his hands on her waist and her body almost close enough to touch his. Her hands were still on his shoulders and he thought that they probably almost looked as if they might start dancing at any moment, not that he knew how to dance or anything.

"I had a nice time too," she said softly, "Thank you for the flowers. They are lovely."

"I can see you again, can't I?" he asked her.

"I would like that very much," she answered, "You tell me where and when and I will be there."

"Can you come to my house after lunch tomorrow? I have to help Celinda keep an eye on Lydia so I can't go anywhere else."

"I think that sounds wonderful," she told him, "I would love to meet your sisters. Maybe they will like me more than your father does."

"He won't be there so you don't have to worry about him," Jimmy rushed to tell her, "He's got some Vigilance Committee meeting or something. That's why I have to keep track of my sisters."

The two looked around knowing there wasn't anything to say but that they did not want to part just yet. Jimmy knew he did have to leave though. He could not be late for supper or he'd be in trouble.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

It was a statement but it came out more as a pleading question.

"I will be there," she replied placing her hand on the side of his face as if convincing herself he was real, "I know it might sound silly but I think I will miss you until then."

She averted her eyes as if embarrassed to have voiced such a thing. Jimmy took her hand from his face and held it a moment.

"I don't think that's silly at all," he assured her, "I know I'll miss you."

"Will you really?" she asked and cursed how desperate she sounded.

"Yeah, I really like you, Delia."

"I like you too," she nearly whispered as she took up Sundance's reins and headed toward her house. She stopped once on her way to the stable to look behind and watch Jimmy walking away. She thought he seemed to be walking lighter, with a spring in his step one might say. If she had turned only moments earlier she would have seen him looking at her.

Jimmy made his way home as if walking on air and once there saw to Dusty whistling as he did so. She liked him. She said so even. She had kissed him back and she said she would miss him. He was happier than he had ever been or thought he could be. He was also terrified. Suddenly everything seemed so important. He had told her he liked her. She could have laughed in his face. She didn't but she could have and he wasn't sure he could handle anything like that. He now worried what they would talk about when she came the next day. He worried his sisters would embarrass him and he worried that she thought his father didn't like her. Jimmy was sure she was wrong. His father probably didn't pay her enough mind to like or dislike her. She just didn't know him well enough to know that.

Delia walked into her house after leaving Sundance in the stables with Lemuel. She went in the back placing her right in the kitchen where Jessamine already had pots bubbling with wonderful smelling things for their dinner. Delia lifted one of the lids.

"I thought I smelled your glazed carrots, Mammy," Delia said with a smile as she snatched a cookie from the jar on the counter. "You spoil me."

"You's my weakness, Miss Delia," the plump woman said wiping her arm over her shiny brow. A few strands of her kinky black hair had escaped her kerchief tied around her head and remained plastered to the damp skin on the side of her face. "You's always been my weakness. I could say no to Miss Elizabeth and even Mr. Ephraim. But I ain't never been able to say no to you."

"It's because I love you," Delia said earnestly as she poured a glass of lemonade and handed it to the other woman. "Is there anything I can do to help you in here, Mammy? You look worn completely out."

"I can still do my job, Miss Delia," the older woman cautioned, "You can tell me what's got that smile on your pretty little face though. You been moping the whole way across the country and now you smiling like God done spilled the riches of heaven on your head."

"I think he might have," Delia said taking a sack of green beans from Jessamine and beginning to snap them into a bowl. "I am in love, Mammy. Really and truly, I am in love. I think he feels the same too."

"I don't s'pose it'd do much good to tell you that you's too young to be in love," Jessamine said wearily.

"Mammy," Delia said exasperated, "Love knows no age. And you haven't met him. Jimmy's so sweet and dear. I think you'd like him."

"You don't need to mix yourself up with no young men, Miss Delia. They only want one thing from a girl and you's way too young for none of that."

"He's not like that, Mammy. You can't say such things about someone you don't even know."

"You just be careful of this Jimmy," Jessamine warned, "I didn't raise you up to see you ruined and get your heart broke by the first handsome face that talks nice."

"Do I need to remind you that you are not my mama?"

"No you don't, Miss Delia," Jessamine answered, "If'n I was your mama I'd have you locked in your room until you was marrying age."

"Oh you would not," Delia smiled at her, "You know you could never be so stern or cross with me."

Delia rose and turned as if to leave the room but then stopped and turned back to Jessamine.

"Perhaps I could bring him to meet you sometime. You could see for yourself then. People aren't the same here as Charleston. He's not like anyone I have ever met, Mammy. He has the sweetest, shyest smile I have ever seen on a young man. I just know you'd love him."

Jessamine merely harrumphed and gave Delia a light shove.

"You get on and wash up for dinner," she told the girl, "You best change your clothes too before you have to explain where you was riding that big yellow horse all day."

That night Jimmy was alone in his bed with not a thought in his head but the ones Delia had put there. He thought of her hair and eyes and her sweet scent. But then he couldn't get out of his head the words his father had spoken over supper.

"That girl that came today, Jimmy," he had begun, "I haven't seen her around town before. I don't believe I caught her name."

"Cordelia," Jimmy said willing his voice not to crack under his father's scrutiny, "Cordelia Bell."

"Where is this Cordelia Bell from?"

"Ch-Charleston, South Carolina," Jimmy answered suddenly realizing there were right and wrong answers and he wasn't sure but he thought the ones he had to offer might be wrong.

"How many slaves does she own? How many work at that big old house they live in?"

"Delia wouldn't own slaves," Jimmy had said, shocked at the very idea. She had spoken of the dignity of all. There is no way such a sweet and kind girl would own other people and surely those who raised her to be the way she was couldn't either.

His father had spoken no more on the subject. Jimmy had expected to be told to not see her again but there was no threat, no ultimatum, no forbidding of his friendship with Delia. Still the doubt was now in his mind. They were from Charleston and they were obviously well-to-do and wealthy families in the south owned slaves. But she had kissed him and she had spoken so sweetly to him and she had overlooked every time his voice tried to betray him. She looked at him as if she had just discovered the world since knowing him. He knew that was how it felt for him. She changed how he looked at everything around him. He was even nice to his sisters today. Celinda was a good cook, she'd had to learn since their mama had died but tonight Jimmy had told her so. Her smile was so bright when he said what he had and Jimmy suddenly felt protective of her. She was only two years younger than he was and soon other young men would see that smile and want to kiss her and help her off of a horse and Jimmy decided he was going to need to get even better at shooting before she started offering those smiles to the boys in town.

* * *

Jimmy finally must have gotten some sleep. When he woke he saw Kid was already awake and readying their things to head back to the station. Kid turned to him when he heard Jimmy moving around.

"Morning," Kid said handing over a cup of coffee, "You slept terrible last night, you know. Kept tossing and turning…and talking to someone it sounded like. Anyway, sleep or no sleep, if I don't get you back to pull your weight with chores and take your ride this afternoon, things are going to get mighty cranky back to home."

"I wasn't planning on staying out here forever," Jimmy grumbled and it sounded weird to Kid mostly because it was the first words he had heard Jimmy say since the night before when his friend had gone oddly silent all of a sudden. "I ain't going to make no one do my work for me."

"I know you wouldn't," Kid told him gently and then dared to ask one question. "Her name was Delia?"

"Cordelia," Jimmy clarified, "I called her Delia though."

There was something in his tone that said that was all that would be said on the subject. He stood and headed toward Sundance and he grimaced as he thought of the horse's name. Like sun dancing on wheat fields…she had said it and it was true but it didn't make the memory hurt less.

* * *

**And the plot thickens...Oh but they are so sweet with their budding love! I adore these two. I do apologize for the random and seemingly irregular updates on stories recently...we've had some nasty heat here that kept me from focusing and the wedding of the year (for our family since it is my daughter getting herself hitched) is in two weeks. I have so much to do in that time! So things might still be sporadic until after the wedding. But then watch out! I will be able to more fully focus on the writing!-J**


	4. Chapter 4

"Where'd you go last night?" Lou asked as Jimmy rode up and into the yard nodding gratefully when Buck offered to see to the horses.

"I needed some time to think is all," he replied in clipped words.

"You need to talk?"

"No. Not just yet at any rate."

"What happened to your head?" she asked trying desperately to get him to open up.

"Nothing," he grumbled, "It's fine."

"Are you sure, Jimmy? It looks like it's cut."

"I'm fine," he snapped at her, "Your boyfriend wouldn't let me alone until I let him clean it. I don't need to talk and I don't need no one fussing over me. Now if you'll step aside, I'm pretty sure I got some chores to do before I ride out this afternoon."

"I could take your ride," Lou offered, "You look exhausted. I ain't scheduled for a couple days and it's a short ride…"

"I can still do my job, Lou," he nearly yelled at her and then felt bad about the wounded look on her face. "But thanks. I appreciate the offer. If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't any nicer to Kid when he found me."

Lou smiled and it did make her feel better that it wasn't personal. Still she worried for him and watched as he tore into his chores like a man possessed. She offered once again to take his ride for him before he left but he once again rejected the offer.

"Really," he said gently, "I think a little more time to be on my own and think will do me a world of good."

"Maybe when you get back you'll feel like talking," she said hopefully.

"Maybe," he replied but there wasn't much conviction in his tone. He flung himself into the saddle, took the handoff and was gone. A few miles away from the station the memories overtook him again and they were still the happy memories. It struck him that a time that seemed so uncertain to him when he lived through it would now seem so happy and carefree.

* * *

Jimmy watched his father walk away and breathed a sigh of relief before getting ready for Delia's visit. He went through every shirt he owned and then started over trying to figure which one looked best.

"The black one," a voice from his bedroom doorway said. And he whirled around beginning to scowl at Celinda, the older of his two younger sisters. "You're trying to figure out which looks best, right?"

He sighed and nodded.

"The black one," she repeated, "It makes your eyes look nice. Pa said for you not to leave but it's okay though. I can watch Lydia if you're planning to meet that girl. She's really pretty."

Jimmy softened at his sister's offer.

"I ain't meeting her," he explained, "She's coming here. I told her I wasn't supposed to leave. She thought it would be fun to meet you and Lyd. Just keep the brat from embarrassing me, okay?"

"You trust me to not embarrass you?"

"I can, can't I?"

Celinda smiled. It was the first time her older brother had treated her like she was something other than a nuisance; well actually that was when he had complimented her cooking. Now he was treating her like she was an equal or something like it. It felt good. She was glad she had stopped to help him. And she hadn't lied. Even if he was her brother, she had to admit he was a nice looking boy and he looked best in black.

Jimmy buttoned up the shirt and tucked it in before glancing again in the mirror.

"A comb wouldn't hurt," Celinda suggested, "Otherwise you look alright."

"Just alright?"

"If you weren't my brother, it would be you that I'd be talking about wanting to ask me to the next dance instead of Joe Baxter. My friend Sarah was saying she wished you would ask her and I didn't see why but I do now, maybe."

"You shouldn't be thinking about boys my age asking you to the dance anyway," he said suddenly feeling protective. "You shouldn't be going to the dance with a boy at all. You're too young."

"I'm not that young, James Hickok," she insisted and the scowl on her face combined with the way her braided pigtails were swinging with the force of her words made him laugh.

"I hate to break it to you, Cel," he said, "But Joe Baxter is your age and probably still thinks girls are disgusting. Give him a couple years."

"Boys are dumb," his sister said looking annoyed.

"If we're so dumb then why would you want one of us to take you to a dance?"

His sister just rolled her eyes and walked out of the room to find Lydia and make sure she wasn't getting herself into trouble. Jimmy went out onto the porch to watch for Delia. He hadn't been out on the porch for long before he saw the palomino heading toward him carrying the young lady.

"You really like her, don't you?" Celinda asked and he jumped. He hadn't heard her walk up behind him.

"Yeah I do," he admitted.

"Do you kiss her?"

"What do you know about kissing?"

"I know enough," Celinda shot back, "So do you?"

"I did once," he replied almost dreamily.

"I'll try to keep Lydia from bugging you," Celinda told him, "I think I can even make some tea to offer her. We have some cookies still left from what I made yesterday."

"You know for a sister, you're not so bad."

Celinda smiled proudly at his words. For him those were gushing words of praise to offer her. She turned and went inside to find something for Jimmy to offer his guest for refreshments.

Jimmy descended the porch steps to be able to meet Delia when she rode up. He was a little surprised when she didn't jump down out of the saddle but then he caught the look in her eye and hoped he understood what she wanted. He lifted his hands and she slid toward him. His hands caught her waist and he guided her toward the ground. His eyes locked with hers and he thought for a moment about leaning and seeing if he could get away with another kiss but movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked over to see Lydia standing there holding onto one of her dolls by its leg. Delia followed his gaze and remembered the ages he said his sisters were.

"Well, you must be Lydia," she drawled, "Why I think that is the prettiest doll baby I have ever seen. Does she have a name?"

"Henrietta," the little girl replied. "What's your name?"

"Delia."

"Lydia," Jimmy said trying to hide his exasperation with his sister, "I think Celinda was making some tea. How about you see if she needs any help?"

The child ran off smiling and Jimmy began to look apologetically at Delia but then he saw there was no reason to apologize.

"Jimmy," she said beaming at him, "She is truly the most adorable child! Those little blonde braids and those big eyes. I just adore her."

Jimmy had never really considered Lydia cute before. Mostly she was annoying and got in his way. But now that he thought about it and saw her through Delia's eyes, he could see that she was a cute enough kid—for a little pest. They both looked up when they heard the front door open. Celinda stood there with a tray. Jimmy ran up to help her. She had been such a help to him that day and besides, he didn't want Delia to think he wasn't a gentleman.

"I thought you two might like your tea on the porch since it's such a nice day," Celinda said hauling out her best for company manners. Having Jimmy be so nice to her was new and she liked it and if she helped him make a good impression on Delia then maybe it would last.

"Thanks Celinda," Jimmy replied smiling, "Uh, this is Cordelia Bell. Delia, this is my sister Celinda."

Celinda smiled even wider to have been introduced like she wasn't a little kid.

"It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Celinda. And please, call me Delia. All my friends do and I would so love for us to be friends."

"I'd like that too, Delia," Celinda told the girl and she could see why her brother was so infatuated with her. Delia's eyes were captivating and she had such a warm welcoming smile. "Right now though, I promised Lydia that I would have a pretend tea party with her dolls."

Jimmy offered a grateful look to his sister who he was liking more and more by the minute. He would have to do something special for her, perhaps take over her chores or bring her flowers or something. Or maybe talk Joe Baxter into at least asking her for a dance.

"I don't know what you were complaining about," Delia remarked after Celinda had gone inside, "Your sisters are so sweet."

Jimmy was still a little miffed that Lydia had thwarted such a prime opportunity for a kiss but he supposed that a girl like Delia would have a different perspective and besides, Celinda had been wonderful to him all day. Maybe he had just completely misjudged her.

"Celinda's not so bad and maybe it's just how much younger Lydia is."

"Probably," Delia agreed, "Or that you're a boy. I don't know if boys and girls ever really understand each other."

"Maybe that's it," he said smiling and offering the plate of cookies to her.

The two talked for a while and sipped some tea. Jimmy didn't normally care a great deal for tea but then sitting there on the porch with Delia, it wasn't so bad. He thought he might even like Brussels sprouts if he could hear her lilting voice and gaze into her copper colored eyes while he ate.

"The cookies are simply to die for, Jimmy," Delia said appreciatively, "Your sister made them?"

"Yeah, it was Ma's sugar cookie recipe," he said and then amended, "Really it was my great-grandmother's recipe. It got handed down."

"I wonder if Celinda would be willing to divulge such a delightful recipe or if it's a closely guarded secret."

"Before she passed on, Ma gave it to a couple lady friends at church," he replied, "Don't see why Cel couldn't give it to you."

"I'm sure Mammy would love to have the recipe for these cookies," Delia smiled at him.

"Do you and your mama bake together much?" he asked, "Ma and Celinda and even Lydia sometimes baked a lot. Especially at holidays. They was always in the kitchen just giggling and my brothers and me knew that we'd be in for some really good treats when they got to giggling in the kitchen."

"Mama?" she asked confused, "Mama doesn't bake. Why would you ask about Mama?"

"You said-" he paused and then something seemed to click in his head, "Mammy don't mean your mother, does it?"

"No," she said and the misunderstanding hit her at roughly the same time. "Jessamine is my mammy. She cooks and she near to raised me. I know about giggling in a kitchen though, Jimmy. Mammy taught me to cook and bake and we would have a fine time while we did it. I still help her with meals sometimes."

"Jessamine is a servant?"

"Jessamine is family," Delia insisted.

"Is she white?" he asked as his father's words from the night before came back to him.

Delia just shook her head and knew in her heart that, in his mind, that wasn't the right answer. It was the only one she had and it wasn't right. She could see him getting angry and was sure he was angry with her though she didn't know why at all.

"Jessamine is a slave?" he nearly spat and the question in his tone was less to ask for confirmation than to plead for her to say that he was wrong.

"You sound so disgusted with me," she said looking hurt. "You say slave like Jessamine is a cow or a mule. She's part of the family, Jimmy. She rocked me to sleep as a babe and she sings me lullabies and she taught me to make a pecan pie. I love her and I know she loves me too. She is family!"

"She's family that can be bought and sold," Jimmy shot back no longer caring about her soft black hair or scent of lilacs or her sparkling eyes. "She's family that can be whipped. Family whose real family can be ripped away from her. Did she ever rock her own babes to sleep or wasn't she allowed to keep them?"

"Daddy would never do such a thing," she replied as tears began to make their way down her cheeks.

"Hardly matters if he would or not," Jimmy said coldly, "He could and Jessamine knows it."

"How can you say such a thing?" she nearly screamed at him, "I thought you were a gentleman, James Hickok! I won't listen to any more of this. I can't."

She pulled herself onto her saddle and rode away as if her very life depended on it and Jimmy was left alone in the yard.

"What happened?" Celinda asked from somewhere behind Jimmy. "Why did Delia leave like that? Why were you yelling?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said as he hung his head and slowly trudged into the house and to his room.

A few hours later he saw a shadow in his doorway.

"I told Pa you weren't feeling good when he asked why you didn't come to supper," Celinda said softly, "But I still thought you should try to eat so I brought you a plate. Pa's in his study and Lydia's already in bed."

"Thanks Cel," he said sitting up and taking the plate from his sister. "You aren't so bad for a girl."

"You want to talk yet?" she asked him solemnly.

"They have slaves, Celinda. Pa was right. Her family, they have slaves. I feel so stupid that I didn't figure it out or think to ask. I just assumed that someone who seemed so nice wouldn't do something like that."

"She does seem awful nice," Celinda replied, "Maybe she just doesn't understand. She's only ever known life like she has and the people in her life like they are. You don't know how she feels about everything. Maybe you could still talk to her."

"I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"She might if you could control your temper."

* * *

"Miss Delia, I done called you five times now to come to dinner," Jessamine said sternly from the doorway.

When Delia had gotten home, she had handed Sundance's reins off to Lemuel and ran inside and to her room. She could smell the wonderful aromas of Jessamine's cooking wafting up the stairs to her room but she could not consider eating. There were too many things on her mind that she knew would mess with her digestion.

"I'm not very hungry tonight, Mammy," Delia said trying to hide the quiver in her voice and looking down to mask the redness of her eyes.

"Miss Delia, there ain't a soul in this world who knows you better than I do, child," Jessamine said crossing the room and sitting next to the girl on the bed. "You tell your mammy what's upsetting you."

"Jimmy and I had a quarrel," Delia said softly, "I am fairly certain he hates me now. I want to hate him right back but I believe I do not. I think I might just love him."

"Boys is just a big old heartbreak, sugar," Jessamine cooed as she hugged Delia tight. "Some are worth it but most aren't. What did you two fight about?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now," Delia whispered, "I think he might be right or maybe I want him to be. I don't know."

Jessamine just kept rocking back and forth and patting Delia on the back.

"Mammy?" Delia began and only continued when she heard a questioning grunt from the woman. "You know I love you, right? I mean you know I really love you, like I love Mama and Daddy and my sister and brother."

"Course I know that, child."

"And you really love me, right? Like you would any natural girl of yours?"

"I do love you Miss Delia," Jessamine said strongly, "Don't you ever doubt it none either."

* * *

Jimmy tried to sleep but all he could think about was the wounded and horrified look on Delia's face. He didn't say a word that wasn't true but he knew from watching his father that there were a number of ways to state a truth depending on how you wanted people to respond. Maybe he ought to try to make it right. He knew his father was still in his study and wouldn't bother to check on him when he went to bed so he quietly got up and dressed and slipped out his window into the growing darkness of the late evening.

* * *

Jimmy was shaken from his thoughts by Sundance throwing his head back and shaking it. He looked around to see he was near to his destination. He kicked the horse faster willing the memories to fly into the wind around him as he sped into the station to hand off the pouch. He decided on going into the town from there. He wasn't expected home until sometime the next day. He didn't want to be around people in town but felt he owed Sundance. Just because he had chosen such a painful name for the creature was hardly Sundance's fault. He could take him to the livery in town where the horse would have a roof and some decent feed that he hadn't gotten the night before.

Once Sundance was settled, Jimmy thought about going to the hotel in town but decided against it and wandered his way out of town, bedroll and saddlebags in hand. He found a decent enough place and set up camp. Space—he still needed space to get past this. Jimmy had thought he was already past it but seeing that young woman the day before only proved to him that he wasn't. He was still a mess over it. But if he could get enough space and time to ponder on it then maybe he would be alright.

* * *

**I had a little trouble with these two...they did not want to work with me on this...I guess no one likes having their first fight...but you had to see this coming.-J**


	5. Chapter 5

Jimmy woke the next morning with the memory of his first fight with Delia still stinging in his heart. It hadn't just been his first fight with her…it had been his first lover's spat of any sort. He had known so little of love or the fairer sex then and he honestly thought it was the end of the world. Even in his current emotionally compromised state, Jimmy allowed a smile and even something resembling a chuckle at how naïve he had been.

Slowly he ambled his way back into the town to collect Sundance. Damn that name! But he had been powerless against it. He could have chosen any horse in the corral but he had been drawn to the one whose muscles rippled like sun dancing on wheat fields.

When he had named the horse, he saw Kid's eyebrows go up and the teasing begin to form in the other man's mouth. But then the look Jimmy shot Kid then had stopped any and all ribbing he might have taken from Kid or any of the others.

Most days it didn't hurt to think on the horse's name. Most days he didn't let thoughts of Miss Cordelia Bell enter his head. But then sometimes he'd hear just the right lilting accent from a woman's mouth or see dark curls bouncing around a lady's shoulders…or, like a couple days before in Sweetwater, see a woman who was the spitting image of how Delia would look now—all grown up.

Jimmy supposed that he always knew Delia would haunt the rest of his days in one way or another. But somehow it still took him by surprise when thoughts of her sprang back to his mind.

Having saddled _his_ Sundance, Jimmy set for home. He was returning with nothing this trip so he could take his time and he did. When he told Lou the day before that he needed more time to be alone with his thoughts, he spoke truth. Time. Time was what he needed. His thoughts drifted back to his thirteen year old self on a quest to put to rights what his harsh words to Delia had set askew.

* * *

The full moon lit his way to Delia's house but once the structure came into view, Jimmy thought to turn back. This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. He didn't even know what he was doing at her house. He couldn't very well knock on her door at that hour. Her parents would think the worst of him. But the more he tried to talk himself into turning back for home, the closer his legs took him to where she was.

He was still upset by her attitude about slavery but maybe Celinda was right and she'd never known anything else. If this had been her whole life then she wouldn't have had cause to ever question it.

Jimmy stopped while he was still obscured in the shadows near the house and looked at the large and foreboding building. It hadn't seemed all that threatening when he had seen it before. Actually it had seemed a nice place, cheerful even and more comfortable maybe than his own house. But in the dark and with his own intent so uncertain, it scared the life nearly out of him. Of course even in the day it looked far too grand a place for him. He might dream of such a life but he wondered if he could ever even pretend to belong in such a place. He simply stared at the building and felt oddly calmed just to be close to where he knew she was. He didn't understand that and yet he didn't dwell.

Studying the house, he tried to figure which room might be hers. There was but one lighted window upstairs and he thought that might be her parents' room since she must be long in bed by now. The wave of excitement that washed over him at the thought of his dear Delia in her bed perplexed him as did the vision that suddenly came upon him of her laying there, a perfect angel, while he stroked his hand against her cheek. He shook his head of these strange thoughts and considered turning back but was stilled when a silhouette appeared in the door to the balcony of the lone illuminated room.

Checking to make sure he was well concealed by the dark shadows of night, Jimmy held his breath. He watched as the figure moved onto the balcony to be revealed by the moonlight. It was Delia. Jimmy thought his heart might stop at the sight of her in her flowing nightgown with her shawl wrapped tight around her shoulders to ward off the late night chill. Her coal black hair fell loose around her shoulders shining like a jewel in the moonlight.

Without thinking, Jimmy crept closer to the edge of the shadows. He just had to see her beauty closer. He wanted to reveal himself and shower her with apologies, beg her forgiveness, anything to once again be allowed to gaze into her eyes the color of polished copper.

"It's just not fair!" she declared to the night. He stayed silent as she leaned against the balcony railing letting her chin rest sadly in her hands. He wanted to speak, to find words of comfort, to scale the wall and hold her tight, to profess his...love. Love was what he wanted to say and love he thought this might very well be. He'd never been in love before but he couldn't think of anything else this could be. If only she knew that. But would the knowledge push aside her sadness or make it grow? It didn't really matter to him right then as he didn't figure that any lady wanted declarations of love from young men who crept around in the shadows watching said young ladies in their nightgowns.

"Oh Jimmy!" she nearly cried, "Why must we live in such times? So divided…and the last thing I think I can bear is to be divided from you. Oh who cares for the worries of our families, my love? Oh and he is my love, my dearest love. If only I knew for sure. If only he would say for sure. I think he perhaps feels the same but I cannot be certain. If only he would say. If only he didn't hate me now. I could turn from all of this. It is nothing without my love. I would walk away gladly if I only knew that I could walk toward the arms of my dearest! I would!"

Jimmy's eyes widened. Her words were so flowery that he often was unsure if he understood her correctly. Unless he had completely misinterpreted, she loved him. And all she asked is to know he felt the same. He did, he was nearly certain he did...he thought. No, he was sure of it. He might be young and only beginning to become the man he would be but he knew this was love like he was sure of nothing else in his life. It wasn't just her eyes or hair or how she smelled or even how it had felt to kiss her. It was her joy, the light he saw glowing within her. He could marry her. He could. It wouldn't be a grand life maybe like she was used to but they could be together. He could find work and in time the farm would be his. It might even feel like a warm and loving home if he was there with his sweet Delia!

He was afraid to step from the shadows but also emboldened by her words. She needed word from him and he couldn't deny her that.

"I'm here, Delia!" he called softly to where she stood overlooking the yard. He saw her jump and clutch her shawl tighter around her. "It's me...it's Jimmy. I didn't mean to scare you!"

"Jimmy?" she asked trying to hide the blush on her cheeks in the shadows. She had poured her heart out and he had been standing there the whole time. "Oh what you must think of me!"

"I think you're pretty."

"How wanton of me to declare such things for the world! What was I thinking?"

"But I love you too, Delia!"

"Miss Delia! Who are you talking to?"

Delia turned toward the voice wafting out onto the balcony. Her face was momentarily horror stricken. She turned her attention back toward Jimmy.

"Get back in the shadows," she whispered. Then she turned toward the doorway. "No one Mammy! I'm…I'm just thinking out loud."

"You should be sleeping."

"Just a few minutes more," Delia pleaded. "The night air is so soothing."

Delia turned back satisfied that Jessamine would grant her a few more moments.

"Jimmy," she called softly, "Are you still there?"

He stepped from the shadows with a loopy grin. Delia's face lit up at the sight of him.

"There you are my dearest love!"

"Delia…I'm…I'm sorry," he nearly mumbled. He'd never gotten good at apologizing but he wanted to. He felt he needed to…to her.

"As long as you meant what you said—that you love me—then all is forgiven, my darling."

"I do love you, Delia…I'm sure of it."

"Miss Delia!"

"Just a minute, Mammy!"

Delia looked down at the handsome young man who looked back up toward her. Her insides fluttered as she recalled how his lips were warm when pressed to hers, how his arms had a strength that belied his slender frame, the way his muscles moved as he completed his chores.

"I must go, Jimmy…but I confess that I never want to leave you. I never want you to leave me."

Jimmy smiled at her.

"Honestly, if I didn't know I'd get my hide tanned for it, I'd sit here all night and just look at the window to your room."

"Cordelia Bell!"

"In a minute, Mammy!"

"Will you come tomorrow, Jimmy? Will you come to call on me?"

"I'll do anything you ask."

"Come to the back of the house," she said barely containing the squeal of delight in her voice. "Mammy will let you in."

"I'll be here," he vowed.

"I shall count the minutes."

"Sh-should I keep watch for your folks?" he asked suddenly afraid that being found out would be the end of them before they had truly begun.

"Daddy will be at work and Mama has some meeting with the ladies from church," she whispered back. "It'll be fine."

Her head whipped around as another harsh call came from inside.

"Cordelia Bell! You come in right now 'fore I come out there and drag you back in!"

"I'm coming, Mammy!" she yelled and then whispered back down into the shadows where her beloved stood half obscured from her eyes. "Will you have trouble getting away?"

"I'll find a way," he called softly. "Good night."

"Good night my dearest. Sleep well!"

With that last call she was gone. The glass door closed behind her and all he could see was the warm light spilling out onto the balcony. He fancied it to be the very warmth and light of her smile and then shook his head at such a crazy thought. Jimmy stood staring up even after the light was extinguished and the whole Bell house was dark. She was there and it felt good simply to be close to where she was, where she slept.

Perhaps she was dreaming of him. Maybe she was even dreaming of a life together, of kissing him, of letting him hold her.

He shook his head again. His thoughts were flying away with him this night. Reluctantly he pulled his eyes from the house and turned and walked toward his own home. He crept back inside without being noticed and undressed for bed. Sleep would not find him this night but then when he got out of bed, his body seemed not to have missed slumber at all.

After breakfast, Jimmy went out to see to his chores. He heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Celinda arranging herself on a barrel, the very same barrel that Delia had sat on to watch him do his chores.

He didn't even know what to say to her. She had been good to him but then he never knew where he stood with her entirely.

"Are you alright?" she asked quietly. Jimmy wasn't sure when his pain in the neck sister turned into a real person but it moved him.

"I think so."

"I thought I heard the door last night," she went on in nearly a whisper. Got up to see and saw your bed was empty. You went to her?"

"I had to, Cel," he answered. "What you said…about it not being her fault…I had to. I didn't expect to see her or talk to her. I don't even know what good I thought it'd do but I had to go."

"That's really romantic, Jimmy. Girls dream of boys acting like that."

"They do?"

"Yeah, they do. So, did you see her?"

"She was out on her balcony. I love her. I know Pa'll probably beat me if he finds out. Ain't sure her folks'll be much better. But I love her. She loves me too!"

"I'll help however I can."

* * *

Jimmy pulled on Sundance's reins and sat in thought. He knew the station would be in sight soon. The call of 'rider coming' would ring out and he needed to be less surly than he'd been. He wasn't sure he could manage that though. He wasn't sure he could play at happy or even nice when he was remembering such things. But he couldn't stay away forever either. He had responsibilities and he owed his friends…his family better than just running off and licking his wounds without explanation. He just wasn't sure he could give explanations right now. It hurt to think about her and it hurt to talk about her and right now it even hurt to look down at the palomino under him.

Sighing heavily he nudged Sundance back into motion and within minutes heard the call announcing his homecoming. He allowed Ike to take Sundance from him. No one approached him immediately and for that he was grateful. He wanted to get cleaned up and maybe see if anything was left from lunch.

They might not have approached him but they were watching him all the same. He could feel their eyes on him as he drew water and cleaned as much trail dust from his torso as he could. He swore he could even feel their eyes from the other side of the door as he was in the bunkhouse putting on a fresh set of clothes.

It was almost a relief when the door opened. It was Kid. Jimmy should've known it would be him to try to break through first.

"I ain't here to pry," Kid said holding up his hands. "We all have things…memories…that hurt us. I can sit and say we'd all of us, any of us, be here to listen. But I also know I have plenty I don't want to talk about. Ain't that I don't trust you or the others…I don't trust me to talk on it."

Jimmy just nodded more to break the intent stare of those blue eyes than for any other reason. There was too much concern for him in them. Concern he wasn't worthy of.

"Anyway," Kid continued half clearing his throat. "I just wanted to see how you're doing. We put things into little boxes inside us and when they come out, it's hard to put 'em back sometimes."

"I won't lie," Jimmy said nearly choking on the words. He'd scarcely spoken to anyone in days. "I ain't alright. I ain't sure I deserve to be. I ain't sure it's possible."

He stopped speaking abruptly more to stop the emotion from cracking his voice than because he was out of things to say.

"Jimmy…"

Kid and Jimmy both turned to see Teaspoon standing in the doorway. Neither had heard him approach.

"I think you should come with me, son."

"I don't really want to talk, Teaspoon," Jimmy said with as much strength has he could muster.

"I ain't asking you to talk. I ain't asking you to listen to nothing either. I just want to take you somewheres it's safe to sit and think a bit. I'll stick close and I think Kid will too just in case you want to tell us anything."

Jimmy nodded and allowed himself to be led to the sweat lodge. In a way, it felt good to be going there. This had been a place where he got Teaspoon's full attention. The fatherly attention and advice he often felt lacking from his own father. As much as he protested about being in there, he cherished those times. He cherished that someone who hadn't even known him that long thought enough to spend that much time and energy on him.

At this time, he followed because it was expected. He did not deserve those kind thoughts. He did not deserve fatherly advice. He did not deserve the concern of his friends. He did not deserve friends for that matter. He went as if sleep walking. He sat without thinking and just stared into the cloud of steam Teaspoon created.

"I guess you know me well enough to know I can't keep completely quiet," Teaspoon began. "I got a couple things to say and then we can sit in peace here. The floor will be yours. If you don't decide to say nothing then that's fine too but if you do, you can talk without no one interrupting you."

The older man took a breath and looked at his young charge with something close to pain in his eyes.

"I don't want you to get mad at your friend here but Kid told me this has to do with some girl. Someone named Cordelia. Seems you thought you might've seen her getting off the stage in town but it weren't her and that throwed you into this…whatever this is. I'd tell you there ain't no woman worth this kind of behavior but then I knowed a couple in my time that was worth more than this. You talk when and if you're ready, son. We'll be here."

From then on, it was silent in the sweat lodge save for the occasional hiss of water on hot rocks.

* * *

**I'll bet you all thought I forgot about this story...didn't you? I didn't and actually this chapter has been half written for months. Just couldn't find a way to round it out before now. I hope this served to move the story forward. And I hope you liked it. I have to admit that over-dramatic Delia there is just too cute for words and was so much fun to write. If she were a grown up, I would hate her probably but then I think we all have to admit to being little drama queens when we were that age. She's not quite fourteen, remember. Anyway, my apologies to Shakespeare for stealing from his balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. I'd worry about him suing but then he's dead and when he was alive he suggested we kill all the lawyers so...I think I'm safe. Let me know what you all thought.-J**


	6. Chapter 6

Teaspoon and Kid sat silently. They waited and waited. Jimmy stared as if seeing something but his eyes connected with nothing. More than once Kid looked at Teaspoon with questioning eyes and was met with a gentle shake of the older man's head. Patience was hard for the both of them. They hated seeing someone they cared for hurting but Teaspoon had the wisdom of his years to know that prodding Jimmy would be more likely to make the boy close himself off tighter than to get him talking.

Kid had felt bad about telling Teaspoon what he had witnessed when he went to find Jimmy. It felt like betraying a confidence but he'd been worried and not sure what to do. He'd never seen Jimmy act like that. Hell, he'd never seen anyone act like that. It had worried him that Teaspoon told Jimmy who had filled him in on the situation—or as much as Kid knew of the situation. But Jimmy didn't seem angry. Maybe when they were past this…whatever it was, maybe then he and Jimmy could go fishing and talk and he could explain. He wanted to explain now. He wanted to do something, anything that might make Jimmy talk. But Teaspoon said not to and Teaspoon knew more.

The waiting wasn't any easier on Teaspoon. More than once he wanted to say something even though he had promised not to. Jimmy was stubborn. The boy was hurting. This was just going to take as long as it took and there would be no prodding Jimmy.

"I think you almost asked the right question once, Kid."

Kid and Teaspoon both whirled their heads around at hearing Jimmy's voice, creaking as it did with lack of use like a rusted hinge.

"Jimmy?" Kid asked more to urge more words than in any real question.

"When I chose Sundance," Jimmy said very softly and still as if he were talking more to the air around them than to any person. "I said his name and I could see you starting to laugh. I could see it in your eyes. I know you wanted to ask why. Why did I choose him…why did I pick that name? It ain't what you'd expect me to name something, is it?"

What came from his mouth next was something almost resembling a laugh but it was ugly and almost angry.

"I know it wasn't. He made me think of something else…another horse from another time. Her horse."

Slowly, haltingly, Jimmy began to unravel the story of meeting Miss Cordelia Bell when he was out shooting. He paused after telling of going to her and seeing her on her balcony. The silence stretched on long enough that Kid and Teaspoon thought maybe he wouldn't start talking again at all.

"We done been in here long enough," Teaspoon said at last. "I think if we head over to the house maybe Rachel'd have some coffee and whatever Cody left us to eat."

Kid reached to help Jimmy to standing but Jimmy stood by himself and headed out of the sweat lodge. From where they stood they could see the horses in the corral. Sundance was right at the fence.

"Sun dancing on wheat fields," Jimmy whispered heedless of the hitch in his voice.

Rachel looked on as Kid and Teaspoon followed Jimmy into the house. Jimmy stood there looking lost for a few moments before Kid gave a gentle nudge toward the small couch in the front room. Jimmy sat but looked stiff and uncomfortable. Kid sat next to Jimmy while Teaspoon went to the kitchen with Rachel under the guise of helping her get food and coffee. Really he wanted to fill her in on the story as it had unfolded so far.

"That sounds like a happy story," Rachel said sounding confused. "Even if he was disappointed that it wasn't her he saw in town, it wouldn't explain his behavior lately."

"I think it goes without saying that there's more to this tale than what we heard so far. I got a sad suspicion it don't end happy. I just wanted you to be prepared for whatever was coming. Thought about taking him to the bunkhouse but it didn't seem right."

"No…he should be here. It's quiet and there are fewer people."

With that Rachel finished making a tray of food and coffee while Teaspoon tried to follow her instructions to help her.

On the couch, Kid was watching Jimmy and wishing he'd been faster about offering to help Rachel.

"It's going to be okay, Jimmy," Kid said softly. "I don't know what's got you so upset but it's going to be fine. You ain't alone. That'll help some, maybe."

Jimmy grunted and Kid thought that might be the only response he got. But then words came. They were reed thin and etched with sorrow and despair.

"I will be. I deserve to be. You'll see. You'll all see."

Kid didn't know what to say to that. The story so far hadn't been bad. So Jimmy had fallen for a girl when he was younger. Kid had too. And so she was from a different social circle. Well, Kid could relate to that as well. And so their families were on opposite sides of a feud of sorts. Kid couldn't quite relate to that but it still didn't seem to merit the way Jimmy talked or acted. There had to be more. But even knowing there was more to the story, Kid couldn't fathom anything Jimmy, or any of his other brothers for that matter, could tell him that would make him care less or want to help them less.

He was saved from speaking at all by Teaspoon and Rachel coming into the room. Rachel made a fuss over Jimmy eating something, even if it wasn't much, and finally cajoled him into picking at a biscuit and sipping some tea. There was coffee but she insisted he needed something to calm his nerves which looked to her to be completely shot.

There was silence for a short time before Jimmy's voice took up the story of his younger self and young Delia.

"I don't even know if I understood at the time that she was so far above me," he said softly. "I knew how beautiful she was. I wish I could show you. Her hair was black as ink and shiny like it was lit from the inside of each strand and her eyes…" he paused, lost in thought for a moment. His three member audience sat and waited in rapt anticipation. "Copper. Shiny copper. I ain't ever seen nothing like 'em since. I guess that's what made it so sure to me that the lady on the boardwalk wasn't her. Her eyes was different."

He paused and swallowed hard and then went on.

"I was in love though. Maybe I was too young to understand and surely I was too young to truly know how to court a young lady or think of really marrying. But I loved her and I would've done it. I would've married her if I could've. I wouldn't've known what I was doing but I would've married her."

He looked around at them so desperate for them to believe him. Rachel patted his arm and then rested her hand on his cheek.

"I know you would have. You're such a good boy."

He shook his head.

"I wanted to be. I always wanted to be. She was so good and sweet…"

"Did you go to see her the next day?" Kid asked in an effort to extract the rest of the story from his friend. "She asked you to…did you?"

"Yeah…"

* * *

Jimmy walked Dusty toward the back door of the Bell house and was startled when a dark-skinned man appeared in front of him.

"Are you Miss Cordelia's gentleman caller?"

Jimmy nodded even though he wasn't entirely sure.

"I can take your horse," the man said reaching out a hand. "Pretty girl like that…it'd be a shame to leave her standing in the sun when she could have some shade and cool water."

Jimmy looked at the man as if still unsure of him. Sure he'd seen slaves before but the ones he interacted with were all runaways. This was a man in front of him, no different than any man he would meet on the street. Jimmy put his hand out to the man.

"James Hickok," he said as his father often taught him to speak to his elders. "I'm pleased to meet you, Mr…"

"You can just call me Lemuel, Mr. James."

The man looked uncertain but shook Jimmy's hand all the same. Jimmy finally felt a little better about having the man see to his horse.

"This is Dusty," Jimmy said as he handed the reins over to Lemuel. "Thank you for seeing to her. She's a good horse."

"She sure looks to be Mr. James."

Jimmy watched Lemuel walking away leading Dusty and then turned his attention to the door. His palms were sweaty and his breathing shallow. He thought he might pass out or become sick from standing there. But somehow he found the courage to knock on the door. When it was opened, he was face to face with an angry looking woman. Jimmy quickly snatched his hat off of his head and held it nervously in front of him. The woman stood and studied him which allowed him to get a good look at her as well.

She was dark and robust. Her hair was tucked for the most part under a kerchief except for the few strands that escaped and pasted themselves to her sweat slicked face. He guessed this was Jessamine. The way Delia described her, he had expected a warm smile from a welcoming sort of woman. He certainly didn't expect the glare that he was now receiving.

"G-good afternoon, ma'am," he stammered. "My name is James….uh…James Hickok. I came to call on D-Cordelia. Can I see her?"

His words, even being as proper as he knew how to be, did nothing to soften the woman's face. She narrowed her eyes at him and he felt himself shrinking down under her glare.

"What exactly do you want with Miss Delia, young man?"

"I…uh…"

"Well spit it out," she snapped at him. "You just better not have no designs on ruining her good name!"

"Oh no ma'am!" Jimmy protested. "I just wanted to talk to her. I like talking to her. She talks so pretty."

The woman's eyes rolled but her face seemed to soften in spite of herself.

"Alright…I'll go fetch Miss Delia."

Jimmy stood there relieved but still scared. The thought occurred to him that if Delia's parents had slaves then they would know of his father. If Jessamine told Mr. Bell about him…told his name. He didn't even dare to think of the consequences. He felt panicked and sick to his stomach. He didn't even hear the door open again.

"Why Jimmy!" Delia's musical voice rolled out. "You came! I knew I should trust the word of a gentleman such as yourself but I admit I feared all the same."

He looked up and saw his darling Delia smiling brightly at him while Jessamine offered a look of consternation to them both.

"Mammy," Delia continued as she saw Jimmy was unable to speak as yet. "This is Jimmy. As you can plainly see he is a fine gentleman who knows how to properly call upon a lady. Jimmy, I can see you've already met Mammy. She really is dear when she isn't growling like a mother bear protecting her cubs."

"You're worth protecting," Jimmy said softly. It was said more to himself than anyone else but Jessamine heard it and couldn't help but smile. It was enough to assure her of the young man's intentions.

"I thought we could go for a walk, Jimmy," Delia said and while she tried to keep her tone breezy, she too had heard his words and her heart soared. "Just let me grab my parasol."

Delia stepped away leaving Jimmy once more to face Jessamine.

"You keep your intentions clear," the woman cautioned. "It might not be my place to say so but if you hurt her…"

"No ma'am," Jimmy said clutching his hat tighter to his chest. "I'd never hurt her."

"See that you don't."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Delia returned with what looked to Jimmy like a little lace umbrella. He was confused. Not only did the sky not look like rain today but that umbrella didn't look like it would do much good if it did. Still he offered his arm to her. It felt good to feel like a man treating a woman proper but he also wanted to make sure Jessamine saw that he knew how to behave.

Jimmy let Delia lead the way watching her twirl the little lace umbrella as her skirts swished with each step. Once they were properly clear of the house he couldn't contain his concerns anymore.

"Will she tell anyone? About us? About me coming to call on you?"

He had clearly seen the suspicious look in Jessamine's eyes and thought surely she knew that he fell asleep dreaming of Delia's soft lips.

"She will not tell anyone, Jimmy. I trust Mammy with my very life…and yours. That's worth more to me, you know."

He didn't even know what to think of those words. He knew he would lay down his life gladly for Delia but to think that anyone so lovely would care for his life at all…he could not fathom such a thing.

"I told you that I love you, Jimmy…last night…you do remember, don't you?" she spoke plainly although nothing ever really sounded plain coming from her. Everything sounded like poetry or music. He knew he must be staring blankly at her but he couldn't help it. "I could not live without you. I will not live without you. I would never allow anything to happen to you. I know it would get very ugly if my father found out…I would imagine it would be just as bad if yours did too."

"He'd hide me for sure," Jimmy agreed with a solemn nod. It was almost embarrassing to admit that his father would punish him so. Or maybe that it was something he feared. So he straightened his shoulders and added, "But the worst is that our parents could try to keep us apart. I don't think I could stand that, Delia."

She turned abruptly to face him and stopped the absent minded twirling of her parasol as she did. Her eyes were desperate.

"I know I could not bear such a thing. Whatever shall we do?"

Jimmy wasn't sure where he found the courage to say all he did next but knew his bravery was probably somewhere in her eyes and the way she clutched at his hand.

"Well…I love you and you love me and I think that means we ought to get married. I mean…well…uh…will you marry me?"

"Of course I will marry you! Why those are the only words I've ever longed to hear from you, Jimmy Hickok!"

* * *

"You proposed?" Rachel asked swallowing an amused giggle, not wanting to mock the seriousness with which he was relating the proposal.

"Yeah…some kind of stupid, right?" he muttered staring unblinkingly straight ahead. Jimmy felt more than heard the accusatory tone behind her words. He had been stupid…more so than his tender age could defend. He deserved what she was thinking but he wasn't up to meeting eyes that held such disappointment.

"Sounds like you had some pretty sound logic for a…how old were you again?"

"Barely thirteen," he replied with a grimace. "I meant it though. It was a selfish thought but I meant it. I never meant words as much as I did those."

"You were just trying to do the right thing, Jimmy," Kid offered. "I know when I was that age…I had a girl I thought about running off with too. Would've been a mistake but at the time…it seemed like the only thing possible to do."

"Feelings is all new then," Teaspoon interjected. "Things that new are always going to be so strong and so sure. I got no doubt you really loved this girl though, Jimmy. I still don't see no shame in what you done. Why I once promised to marry Hester Clemmons because I wanted to get a kiss from her. I couldn't've been much more'n you was. And I wasn't professing no love neither. Weren't none to profess. I just wanted to kiss her."

"I think we've all been there," Rachel added. "At that age...first love...it's so easy to get lost in."

Their voices blurred together as they all tried to find words to ease what he was feeling, to help. They couldn't understand. They didn't know. There was no help.

It was bad enough to have admitted the proposal but Jimmy wasn't about to tell any of them what exactly happened next. It was one of his fondest memories but it wasn't to be shared it was his…his and Delia's. No one else ever needed to know. He let his head fall back against the back of the couch and his eyes fluttered closed as he remembered her sweet scent wafting toward him on the sunny afternoon.

* * *

She smiled and looked at him like he was her hero. He suddenly felt fully like a man—more so than he ever had before. Looking at her sweet mouth, he knew what he wanted right at that moment. There was no stopping the slow descent of his head toward hers and he placed a hand on her cheek to gently turn her face upward.

He had almost felt guilty the last time he kissed her. She was proper and it was soon. He hadn't told her he loved her or declared his intentions. He didn't even know what his intentions were then. He knew now and they were engaged—even if it did have to be kept secret for a while.

Delia saw his face drawing nearer to hers and her breath caught in her throat. When he kissed her before, there was no time to think about it. And Jimmy had been different then. Cautious. He was not cautious now. He looked…hungry. It made her shiver but then his lips pressed firmly to hers making her feel warm all over.

He was so close to her she could feel his heart beating in his chest. It felt like it wanted to escape its confines there. Fingers ghosted over the skin on her cheek and down her neck making her gasp with the enticing sensation. His other hand tightened around the small off her back holding her tight to him. She felt nearly frightened for a moment at the control he had over her but then felt suddenly safe, protected. He wasn't holding her to command her or to hurt her, but to guard her. She'd been lucky in her life to never know real hurt and with Jimmy deceptively strong arms around her; she knew she never would know such a thing.

Jimmy felt Delia's hands running over his shoulders and back, his chest…he suddenly had thoughts in his head that shocked him and his mouth opened against hers. She seemed shocked at first when his tongue passed between her lips but his hand at the back of her head held fast and she soon melted into him and even moved her own tongue against his.

He wanted to touch her more, wanted less between them, wanted to feel the heat of her skin pressed to his. One hand roved on its own while the other stayed firmly at the small of her back. The roving hand soon discovered the budding mounds made so much more by the tight cinching of her corset. She pressed tighter to him and he groaned into her mouth.

In time, their kiss broke apart with them both panting and Delia sighing his name. He looked at her with what he would in later years identify as lust. He knew next to nothing of such things at the time.

"Jimmy…we must stop," Delia breathed at him. Her words spoke of stopping but her body, her face…her lovely copper colored eyes spoke of a passion neither of them fully comprehended. "We can't…not here…not like this…"

He stared at her bewildered for a moment and then the realization of what had almost happened hit him. He had promised Jessamine he would not hurt Delia or her reputation. They might be engaged but they weren't married…not yet.

"One more kiss, Delia? I swear that's all…I just need one more kiss to get me through to when I can see you again."

"Just one? And just a kiss?"

"You have my word," he smiled at her. "Then I have to start planning. We can keep this secret for a while but we need a plan. I don't think I could very well go to your folks and say we want to get married. They surely wouldn't be throwing no parties about it. And my pa…well…it'd be better if we was already married and at least a thousand miles away before he ever got wind of this."

"One more kiss then," she relented. "And then I'll let you put your mind to work so we can live out our days together…and then we'll never have to stop."

It would not have been gentlemanly to ponder a great deal on what her words did to his body. Jimmy pressed another kiss to her lips. It deepened but their hands behaved themselves.

The two young people walked quietly back to her house where Jimmy collected Dusty from Lemuel and headed for home. His mind was full of ideas and the beginnings of plans.

* * *

Jimmy hadn't taken note of the quiet that now overtook Rachel's front room. The others had talked themselves out on the subject of first love and were looking to him believing they were missing out on part of the story. The lone tear escaping the corner of his closed eye confirmed as much.

* * *

**Poor Jimmy...it's worse for me because I know the whole story. I know why he is wallowing in guilt. Poor, sweet boy. I need to thank Beulah and Gert for helping get this chapter in line...I get all tunnel visioned and stuff and don't see the forest for a few trees. ****Thanks for offering an extra couple sets of eyes ladies!**

**So let me know if this is still holding your attention and stuff. There isn't much more of this tale...one...maybe two chapters.-J**


	7. Chapter 7

Rachel watched, transfixed as the tear made its way over the smooth skin of Jimmy's cheek. It hung at his jaw a moment or two before falling onto his black shirt. His eyes were closed but the wrinkling of his brow told her that he was not asleep. He was remembering. She reached a hand and brushed a few strands of hair from his face but pulled her hand back quickly when his eyes flew open and he jerked his face toward her.

Jimmy wanted to be angry that anyone would dare interrupt his thoughts about Delia, about the love and near passion they shared. But he could see the concern, the hurt in Rachel's face and it moved him. He wasn't deserving of it but she had no way of knowing that yet. He wasn't sure how he was going to tell that part of the story either.

He supposed he could be dishonest and come out looking more sympathetic in the telling. But these people deserved better from him. He looked around to see the same worried and sad look on the faces of Kid and Teaspoon. They wanted to help and he wished they could. But there was no help for him anymore than there was help for poor lovely Delia.

"I'm tired," he whispered. He was. All of a sudden he was tired down to his bones. He wasn't sure how he'd get himself off the little couch, he was so tired.

"Of course you are, sweetie," Rachel said gently. She looked to Kid and Teaspoon who jumped up to help him.

Before they were entirely out the door with Jimmy leaning heavily on Kid, Rachel stopped them. She placed a hand on the side of Jimmy's face.

"It's going to be alright," she whispered through the tears forming. His eyes were so wounded. He just looked so broken. "There's nothing you can say or do to make me stop caring for you." Then she patted his cheek lightly before adding, "Get some sleep now."

Jimmy nodded feeling the tears burn at his eyes even as he blinked them back. He allowed Kid to lead him to the bunkhouse. Kid deposited him on his bed and Jimmy sat there for a few minutes feeling lost.

"I ain't getting you out of your clothes," Kid said gently in a half-hearted attempt at humor.

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Jimmy said trying to be gruff and keep up the charade of two friends teasing each other.

The others knew something was up. They had known since Jimmy had ridden out the one day and not come back that night. Kid had explained as best he could when he, himself, didn't even know what was wrong. He now knew more and would love to fill the others in. He wasn't sure it was his place though. And right then it was so much more important to see to Jimmy. Jimmy who still hadn't moved.

Finally Jimmy unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off. He stood and toed off his boots before undoing his belt and trousers. He hadn't had the chance to put the guns back on when Teaspoon had gotten him earlier. Looking up he saw the eyes of his friends, his family.

"You'd get a better show at the saloon," he grumbled causing them to drop their eyes and allow him to finish undressing without such a riveted audience.

Once stripped to his long johns, Jimmy climbed into his bunk and pulled the blankets over him. He looked up to see Kid still standing in the middle of the room with his hands limp at his sides.

"You waiting to tuck me in?" Jimmy asked in a surly tone. Kid seemed to remember himself and smiled sheepishly shaking his head.

He walked closer to Jimmy's bunk and leaned toward his friend before speaking very softly.

"You're going to sleep now, right?" he asked. "I ain't going to wake up later and find you run off to finish beating your head in, am I?"

"I'm going to sleep, Kid," Jimmy confirmed with a yawn. "Just sleep."

He watched Kid straighten to standing once again. As Kid turned to head to his own bunk and ready for sleep, Jimmy whispered something. He wasn't sure if Kid would hear and he wasn't sure if he wanted him to or not.

"Thanks."

Kid stood still a moment and then turned his head back to his sad friend.

"Don't mention it. You'd do the same for me."

Jimmy was so tired he was sure he fell asleep before Kid was even settled and he knew he was asleep before the lamp was put out for the night.

* * *

Jimmy's dreams drifted, naturally, to Delia. Delia's eyes, Delia's lips, Delia's soft black hair…the way her smile twisted him in knots he didn't want to untangle, the lilt of her voice, the lyrical beauty of her words. His Delia. His precious Delia.

There were things about the days and weeks following his proposal to Miss Cordelia Bell that no one would ever know. They were precious and sacred. To tell would be to mar them in some way, to cheapen them.

He saw her every chance he had. They met in hidden places only they knew. The first meeting he told her he was working to collect things they would need when they ran off. He tried to plan for all they might encounter. And he was picking up odd jobs for extra money. He worried he would miss some detail.

"You won't," she assured with her voice that sounded like singing. "I know you won't. You will take care of us. I do not doubt you."

Her faith in him was so complete, her eyes so trusting…he didn't even think about what he did next. He simply pressed his lips to hers. His fingers tangled in her hair as their mouths opened in a frantic need to explore one another.

Jimmy was taken aback by the fervor of Delia's kiss. He nearly pulled away from her in shock when he felt her dainty fingers through the cotton of his shirt, tracing his chest.

Delia felt him tense beneath her fingers. He was so strong, so solid. She suddenly couldn't breathe and pulled her lips from his. She looked down at her hands as she came to her senses and felt the blush rising to her cheeks.

"I don't know what's come over me, Jimmy," she said truly baffled. "I…I…"

Her hands fell from his chest and into her lap. To her delight, Jimmy took one of her hands in his. His hands were so big and strong and calloused from hard work.

"I liked it," Jimmy told her. "It was nice."

"It was?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I like being close to you like this."

Delia giggled reminding Jimmy of jingling bells.

He held her then. He held her close to him. He felt her warmth, her slight trembling at the enormity of what they were about to do with their lives, felt the way she rested against him, felt her trust, her faith in him.

Subsequent meetings were a blur to him. Every time they met, he had some news about his plans for them to be together but those weren't the things he would remember later.

What he would remember was the tenderness and intimacy that grew between them. They were tentative and fumbling in these early explorations of physical love but all they shared was beautiful—pure even.

While they never consummated their love, it held a passion that in later years he would dream about but would never truly possess again.

Jimmy's memories would not only hold her kisses and tentative caresses. He would hold dear every story she told of her childhood, every newsy letter from her sister that she related, every afternoon spent under the shade of a grand tree with her musical voice reading to him. A day could seem so perfect when he was on a blanket on the soft grass with his Delia listening to her narrate tales of grand adventures.

One day came clearer to his memories than the others. It was a day he had fallen even more in love with his darling Delia. He hadn't thought that was possible but it filled him with a wonder that he would have forever to keep finding things to love about her.

She was lying on her stomach with her elbows propping her up slightly and a book beneath her head. He couldn't remember what book it was and it hardly mattered. He was laying next to her propped on one elbow and resting his head lightly on her shoulder while absently twirling his fingers in the ends of her long black hair. It was perfect.

"Jimmy," she said sweetly as she turned her head to him. He couldn't resist kissing her lightly before pulling back and raising an eyebrow at her.

"What, Delia?"

"I'm getting tired. Perhaps you would like to read for a bit while I cuddle close and listen."

"I…uh, I can't…I mean…" he let his voice trail away terrified. She was an educated lady. Her parents had paid for tutors. Her brother was at a university. And he was the forgotten child who didn't get even the rudimentary education his brothers got. He did the work at home that allowed his father to accomplish his other works. But he could not even read. He could recognize his name and a few other words but very few and none of them were the kind of long and poetic words in this book.

He stared at her a moment in terror hoping she understood without his coming out and saying it. And at the same time he hoped that she wouldn't figure it out. She was engaged to a man who could not even read. It would surely be the end of them.

"You can't read, can you?" she asked and he tried to divine something, anything, from the tone of her voice. There was nothing to be found there.

"I forget sometimes," she went on. "Well, most times…I forget how different things are here from Charleston. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

She placed a hand on his cheek and then her lips lightly on his before speaking again.

"I'm sorry. I should have realized," she honestly looked as if she was the one in the wrong. It puzzled Jimmy. "I could teach you…if you wanted. I mean, if it wouldn't be too shameful to learn from your wife…"

"I think maybe more embarrassing for the wife," he said shifting his eyes from her.

"Not this wife," she whispered tracing his jaw lightly with her fingers. "I can't wait to be your wife and I'll be proud to be."

Then she nestled her head against his chest and sighed into him. He stroked her silken hair and felt her relax. She had said she was tired so he wasn't surprised when he was certain she had fallen asleep. Keeping his arms tight around her, he allowed the soft rays of the sun and the gentle breeze occasionally stirring the branches overhead to lull him near to slumber as well.

"We're going to be alright, aren't we," she asked, her voice small and almost frail. "Someday we're going to look back on this as our children bring the grandchildren by for Sunday dinner and we'll laugh at how scary this seemed, right?"

"Of course we'll be alright, Delia," he said, projecting much more certainty than he felt. "We'll find us a town where I can make some money and get a spread of land and yeah…someday this won't even seem real. I promise. I promise we'll be alright, Delia."

* * *

Jimmy woke up in the darkness of the bunkhouse with the clean, floral scent of Delia filling his nose. He had promised her so much. And he had meant every word.

What they had was beautiful. He hadn't fully appreciated just how beautiful at the time. There was something so pure in how she loved him and how he loved her. An innocence.

He laid on his bunk blinking at the darkness around him and listening to the deep breathing of the young men and woman around him. He fit here, he supposed…or had. But nowhere had he ever fit quite the way he had in the arms of his dear Delia.

Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his face hard before grabbing his pants. He pulled them on and shoved his feet into his boots before standing and heading out the door. Looking at the horizon, he could see the tiny glow of pink beginning to tinge the night sky signaling the first hint of day.

That had been what their love had been like. Like a new day being born. When the air is fresh and the sky vivid and filled with color and there wasn't a thing that couldn't be done. That was what they had. Jimmy closed his eyes and swallowed hard at the overwhelming emotions rising within him. He'd never made sense of it all. It never sat right how they had absolutely everything and then...he shook his head at the confusion he still felt.

As he stood on the edge of the porch staring off into the burgeoning new day, he heard the door open and close softly behind him. He was not surprised to see Kid standing there in the dim light of the lantern hung beside the door.

"I ain't doing nothing stupid," Jimmy growled. "Unless it's suddenly stupid to use the outhouse."

"Well, I won't stop you," Kid said with a smile barely tracing over his face. "I just wanted to make sure you were…alright."

"Kid, I'm a damned long way from alright. But I left the guns inside and I promise I won't beat my head on any trees without getting your permission first."

With that Jimmy stepped off of the porch and headed toward the outhouse. He didn't even make it close. He wasn't really paying attention to much. His mind was too consumed with Delia. He could remember the colors cast off by her deep black hair in the sunlight. It was as if rainbows shone from around her face. Like the sky in front of him, he realized.

He stood transfixed in the yard less than halfway to his stated destination. His eyes could not move from the splashes of rose and violet stretching into the sky as if grasping for purchase to lift the sun into the morning.

The world around him came into illumination as if springing to life before his eyes. He could see her everywhere. Her smile, her eyes...those dancing copper eyes. He hadn't realized how dim his world had been before the light of her, before the music of her laughter, the way her smile lit her from within casting its glow to anyone who stood near.

As the sun began its ascent in earnest, Jimmy closed his eyes to bask in the warmth that fell upon his face. For that moment she was with him. He could smell her, feel her, hear her. She was his again and he was hers as he was always meant to be. If he reached out in that moment, he would feel the softness of her hair, the silken skin of her cheek. The tension fell away from his face for the first time in days and a smile graced his lips. Her professions of love echoed in his ears lifting his heart.

Just as surely as he had felt her presence, he felt her leave him. As if the sun rising ever higher was taking her with it, away from him.

Jimmy opened his eyes to the reality of his solitude. She was not there. She was not his. She could not be his anymore. His shoulders slumped and he turned his head from what now seemed a garish and mocking display by the sun.

Kid was still standing on the porch. Of course he was. Jimmy shouldn't have expected anything else. Reluctantly he began the heavy-footed trudge back toward the bunkhouse. He climbed up, mere feet from where his friend stood. Still Kid said nothing. He didn't even move.

Jimmy walked past Kid and sat heavily in the chair next to the window. Kid was still silent although he shuffled his way over to the other chair on the porch and pulled it to sit across from Jimmy. His face held nothing. Just an openness, a safeness...maybe a willingness even to just listen, to just be there, be whatever was needed.

"I know...I know the story don't make sense yet," Jimmy said softly as if frightened to disturb this quiet. The simple silence, the willingness to let Jimmy do and say what he needed, was precious to him right then. But the simple fact was that they couldn't sit out there forever not talking. And he owed Kid the rest of the story. Kid had been good to him. He looked over at Kid who still said nothing. "You don't have anything at all to say? I feel like I'm talking to Ike here."

"You're right," Kid admitted. "This doesn't make sense. I find you trying to break a tree with that thick skull of yours and the answer for it is to tell me a sweet love story."

Kid paused and ran a hand through his hair.

"I guess I'm smart enough to see that this story's not going to end with 'and they lived happily ever after' but I still don't see how it could be as bad as you've been letting on. Sounds like a good time in your life."

"It was. It was the best time of my life...until it became the worst."

Jimmy looked down at the planks of wood beneath his boots and sighed heavily.

"But that's getting ahead of the story," he muttered. "I could tell the basic events and be done by now but...it wouldn't make no sense. The whole thing...why...why it affects me like this...it won't make sense unless you know how much I loved her. And I did love her. I think...I think we could've made it too. Stupid and young as we were. I think we could've gotten married and raised us a family and been happy as pigs in mud. We really could've because it didn't occur to either of us that we couldn't. And it wouldn't've either. We'd've never thought for a moment that we couldn't make it so we would've been just fine."

Jimmy chuckled quietly as if only to himself.

"I think about that sometimes," he went on. "I think about where we'd be and what we'd be doing. By now we'd've gotten ourselves a place to live and some land to work. I'll bet we'd even have us a couple little ones by now. Can you just see it? Wild Bill Hickok would never have been. I'd be a farmer somewhere and someone's pa. It's all I could have dreamed of. Hell, it still is."

Neither of them took note of Lou as she slipped quietly from the bunkhouse and sat cross-legged on the floor of the porch.

Jimmy leaned back and closed his eyes. For a moment he was under the shade of the tree with Delia safe in his arms. She read to him. Every word from her lips was a song sung just for him. With the strength of that memory held tightly in his heart, he opened his eyes and began to speak.

* * *

**Welcome to the calm before the storm. I see two chapters left here...if I do this right. I promise everything will make sense in time.**

**Special thanks have to be made to Gertrude for bringing me home to my original vision when it kind of jumped the tracks (and maybe the shark as well)...doubt means don't. Thank you Gert for always being the voice of reason and knowing my head better than I do sometimes. And also to Beulah who helped crystallize the final scenes of this chapter. This would have been lesser without you!**

**So...I think this was nice...but I know what happens next and...well, you'll see. And I'm sorry it's taken this long to update this. I got sidetracked by pie...and then by Noah...because he's all hunky and neglected and stuff (for those wondering, next on my agenda is getting started on a new installment of GGS with the lovely and oh so talented Gertrude (JayLaw)...**

**Uh...I guess that's it for now...let me know what you think and stuff. Kisses!-J**


	8. Chapter 8

"So…we was in love," Jimmy said shakily. "I've doubted it since. I doubted that it could've been real when we was so young. But the more I think about it, the less I doubt it. It was real. It could have lasted. It could have been forever…it…is forever."

His eyes seemed to glaze and he was so far away or maybe so long ago that he didn't notice the others waking and coming to sit and listen to his story.

* * *

Jimmy smiled and knew he probably looked like a fool but he didn't care. He and Delia were walking toward their favorite meadow for a picnic. He gripped her hand tightly as they walked between their horses.

Suddenly he just couldn't resist pulling her tight to him. He kissed her hard and full on the mouth with no warning. She gasped but then sank into his embrace. When the kiss ended, she looked at him in wonder.

"What was that for?"

"I need a reason to kiss you now?" he asked. "Being in love was always good enough reason for you before."

"Of course it's a good reason," she relented. "It's the best reason of all. And I like when you kiss me. You just aren't normally so…impulsive. It's enough to take my breath away."

Jimmy looked away. He still couldn't stop smiling. It felt good to take her breath away. And he was in too good of a mood.

"You could kiss me more, if you like," Delia offered. Her eyes widened when Jimmy turned back to her and she could see the intensity shining in his eyes. She forgot sometimes how close he was to being a man. He would be a powerful man. There would be some who would find him fearsome, she believed. For a moment, she wondered if she should be one of them but then his smile broke through the intense stare he held on her.

"Well, alright then," he smiled at her. "I will."

He placed his hands at her narrow waist and pulled her close to him once again. He pressed his lips gently to hers. His arms wound around her as he deepened the kiss. He could feel the swell of her bosom against his chest. One hand ran up her back and held fast to the back of her head.

When he released her mouth, she was panting and her cheeks were flushed.

"Oh my," she exhaled as, in the blink of an eye, she snapped her fan open and twitched her wrist until the lacy object fluttered like butterfly wings.

A different sort of smile graced Jimmy's face then, a smug and self-satisfied smile. His chest puffed out in pride at the reaction he'd been able to stir in such a beauty as Delia. He wished that his brothers were still around. He could silence all of their bragging by simply telling of how such a fine lady desired his kisses. And how his kisses took her breath clean away from her.

They sat and ate as Sundance and Dusty contentedly munched on the soft grass around them. When they finished eating, Delia leaned back onto her elbows and looked up at the sky with a smile.

"Was there ever such a perfect day?"

Before she could even turn to him for a response, his mouth was on hers. He planted quick kisses on her lips, her cheeks, down her neck.

"Jimmy…"

He didn't speak. Instead, he rolled atop her, straddling her hips and continued kissing her. His hands roved over her curves not even caring what was there by the grace of God and what was by the grace of her corset.

Delia squealed and made a half-hearted showing of trying to push him away before returning his kisses. When his hands found her still developing breasts, she merely pressed herself tighter to his inquisitive fingers. But when his other hand trailed down the side of her leg, over her ankle and then began to move upward under her skirts, she forcefully pushed him back.

"Jimmy! What has gotten into you?"

Jimmy looked at Delia and felt an immediate response from his entire body. Her chest was heaving, her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and her eyes flashed both anger and passion at him. For his part, he was having trouble breathing and thought the rapid beating of his heart could probably be heard all the way into town. His lips tingled where they had made contact with her sweet skin and the response from a certain part of him had him struggling to stay back where she had pushed him. In his mind he could see himself atop her once again, touching her, kissing her, laying waste to all her protestations.

He reached for her, just to stroke her face.

"Delia, I…"

She jumped back away from him. She was now completely off of the blanket they'd been sitting on to have their picnic.

"Stay back!" she yelled at him. "I ought to slap you. You know we can't get so carried away. We're not married yet!"

"But Delia…"

"Don't you 'But Delia' me, Jimmy Hickok! I don't know what's gotten into you today…you've never been like this before."

He had been in such a good mood. He had good news even but now…now he figured it probably didn't even matter. He stood and dusted himself off and began to walk toward Dusty. He'd just go home.

"Where are you going?" Delia asked gently. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. He had caught her off guard was all and she had reacted as much to stop herself from taking things too far as him.

She hadn't been able to help noticing how weighted down he'd been of late and he had seemed in such high spirits on this day. She had loved seeing a sparkle in his eye and had even more loved the thought that maybe she played a part in putting it there. And she wouldn't discount how exciting his impulsiveness was. He was so strong, so forceful, so…manly. She stopped him in order to stop herself.

"Home," he replied. "Got work to do. Shouldn't make Celinda watch Lyd on her own all the time."

"Jimmy wait," she called and he stopped in spite of himself. He turned and just looked at her expectantly.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I…I guess I'm afraid of…oh…I don't know how to explain it…but I am sorry. I didn't mean to push you away so completely. You looked so happy today too. It's the first day in ages where you looked truly free and happy. And I went and ruined it. I just…well, we can't…not yet."

"I know," he whispered. "I think I was in too good a mood. I was seeing how close we are to…to really being together. To being free of all of this."

"What are you trying to tell me, Jimmy?"

"I have everything we need to get away," he told her. "I got money tucked away that should last us a month at least if we're careful. And I got it all figured out. If we leave two weeks from this coming Monday, the moon'll be full. As long as it ain't cloudy, we shouldn't have a problem seeing to get gone. So that's two weeks to figure how you get clear of your house. I can't help you with that."

"It'll be easier than you think," she told him. "It's really only two more weeks?"

He couldn't read her expression but her voice was almost mournful. She looked away and the corners of her mouth turned down. He wasn't sure but he thought he saw tears beginning to well in her lovely copper eyes.

"I thought you'd be happy," he said. There was a sick feeling growing inside of him. She didn't want him to kiss on her and touch her and now she looked sad at the thought of running away like they'd planned. Obviously she didn't really want him. This was just a fun game of pretend for her.

"I am…it's just…well, I'll miss my family, I think. It's just so real. Two weeks and I won't see them again."

"You will though, Delia," Jimmy asserted. "We have to get some good distance and then we have to get married and settled a bit. But then you can write them. They ain't going to be too happy, I'd wager. But if we're already married and living as husband and wife, then there ain't nothing they can do. I'll write my pa then too. I promise I won't keep you from them, Delia. But you have to see how we can't be together any other way. If you love me like you say…"

"I do love you Jimmy," she declared. "I love you like I never knew a person could love another. I know it will work out in the end. And I trust you. It'll be fine. Two weeks." She smiled then. "Two weeks and it will just be us. We won't have to sneak around. We won't have a thing to be ashamed of. We'll be married. Mrs. James Hickok. I like the sound of that."

It was Jimmy's turn to feel fear and unease. Talking about running off and getting married and even working extra to save money for such a thing didn't bring home to him the responsibility he was taking on. But Delia's words did. He was to have a wife. He would be responsible for her. He would have to take care of more than just himself. She came from a different world. He wasn't sure he could live up to the expectations of him. And it didn't even matter what expectations she had. He was afraid he'd not live up to his expectations for himself.

"Are you alright, Jimmy?" Delia's musical voice inquired. "You look ill all of a sudden. You aren't getting cold feet on me now, are you?"

When he lifted his eyes to hers, he was resolved to tell her of his doubts, tell her that she'd be better off with someone else. But then he found himself looking into those lovely sparkling eyes. It might be the most selfish thing he had ever done or would ever do but he decided right then and there that he would marry her. He would spend the rest of his days making a life for her that was worthy of her. He would make her happy, keep her safe, take care of her. He would be her husband and she his wife.

"There's nothing I want more than to be married to you, Delia."

* * *

As Jimmy sat on the bunkhouse porch recalling those sweet and innocent moments with Delia, the others observed their friend, their brother. Rarely was he this unguarded. The guns were only a fraction of the defenses he used to keep others out…or maybe to keep himself in.

No one dared speak for fear that breaking the near trance-like state he was in would cause him to close himself up again, to bottle this back inside where it would just continue eating at him.

"Guess it must seem crazy to you all," he choked out. "Sounds crazy to me but then…I know what I felt and if she felt half as much for me as I did for her, then we had it all, really."

He offered a bitter laugh.

"Stupid kids…didn't know how much we did have. And sure as hell didn't understand the more you have…the more there is to lose."

Jimmy swallowed hard and his brow furrowed as he screwed his eyes shut. As if, by sheer will, he was endeavoring to keep the sadness that so clearly marred this tale for him from getting near the sweetness he had just been speaking of.

"Once we set the date to leave…and once we got past the fact that a date made it real and a little scary," he began telling the story again. "There was a lightness in Delia. Probably in me too. It was like we had a plan and nothing could be scary anymore. It was figured out."

* * *

"Jimmy," Celinda's voice broke through Jimmy's happy thoughts. He was mucking out stalls. It was a job he normally took little joy in but everything was joyful now that he knew he and Delia would be together forever.

"That's my name," he said with a smile as he stuck out his hand and tousled her hair. She scowled at him for a moment and then became very serious.

"If I ask you a question would you tell me the truth?"

"I don't think I've ever lied to you, Cel," he told her.

"What are you planning? I know it's something. I know you're still seeing Delia and I know you're planning something. What is it?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was damp with the sweat of working inside the barn on what was already a warm day even though it wasn't yet noon.

"I won't lie to you," he began cautiously. "But I don't know if I can tell you either. I don't know if I can trust you. I'd like to think I could. You're a good kid…better than I thought at times. But…this is big, Celinda. If anyone else found out…"

"Jimmy, I won't breathe a word," she swore. "You've found a way to be together, haven't you? Oh, I so hope you have. It would just break my heart if you two didn't find a way. And I know you're smart enough to figure it out. What is it, Jimmy? Tell me, please!"

"We're going to run away," he said at last. "Week from tomorrow. Not a word. Pa's going to ask about me once he notices I'm gone. You can't say anything. We'll write once we're settled and married. Once no one can do anything about it. I promise, I'll write to you…or have Delia write anyway."

The tears welled in Celinda's eyes and spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks in big, round drops.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Jimmy."

"I know…I'm going to miss you too. I might even miss Lyd."

Celinda laughed through her tears.

"I didn't even notice when the other boys left home," she sniffled. "But…we're closer, you know? I-I feel sort of torn. I want you and Delia to be happy. But I want you to stay too."

"Maybe someday we can come back," Jimmy offered. "I just know we can't get past Pa or her parents as long as we're here. Once we're far away and married they'll have to just deal with it."

Jimmy suddenly looked at his sister in a different light. He realized how much it had been the two of them banded together after their mother's death. Lydia was too young to really remember their mother. But Celinda felt the same loss he did and often suffered their father's moods as he did. His stomach turned.

"May-maybe once we're good and settled," he stammered. "Maybe we can send for you and Lyd. I feel like I'm failing right now. I don't know if I'm failing you and Lyd or Ma but I should be looking after you. I always thought that was a chore but it's not."

"You're not failing me, Jimmy," she said. "If you let him keep you from true love, then you're failing everyone. It's important you know that. I'll be alright. Pa is better. Or at least he's so lost in the Vigilance Committee work that he doesn't even pay any attention to me anymore. I'll be fine. I'll be even better when I get that letter from Delia telling me you two are far away and safe and married."

"I should've been nicer to you," Jimmy muttered. "You're a pretty good sister…for a runty girl."

"You're not such a bad brother…for a smelly boy," she said losing the battle with another wave of tears.

Jimmy pulled her into a hug and held her tight while she cried. It was something he should have done all the times he heard her crying after their mother died. He should have been a better brother before he was so close to not even being there anymore. He'd just have to be the best big brother the world had known for the next week before leaving.

Maybe Jimmy should have guessed that something would throw a wrinkle into his plans with Delia. It really shouldn't have surprised him that the wrinkle came courtesy of his father. Even when William Hickok wasn't paying attention at all to Jimmy, he had a knack for doing or requiring exactly the thing that would keep Jimmy from doing what he wanted.

It was actually at dinner that very same day that Jimmy and Celinda'd had their heart to heart talk.

"Son."

The word made Jimmy freeze. His jaws stopped mid-chew. His father rarely addressed him directly anymore. The man hadn't called him by name in months. To be so directly addressed, Jimmy wondered what he'd done wrong this time.

He warily turned his eyes toward his father and swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Yes sir?"

"I missed something recently, something right under my nose."

Jimmy felt clammy and could feel his heart trying to give up. His father knew. He would stop them. A beating suddenly wasn't even the worst prospect in Jimmy's life. He'd not be allowed to see Delia.

"You grew up when I wasn't looking," his father went on. "It's time to take on the responsibilities of a man. It's time to stand up for what's right."

None of that sounded like his father knew about his love for Delia. Jimmy just scowled in confusion.

"Word has been sent ahead. There are some people headed here on their way to freedom. They'll be here for a couple days. When they leave, I will expect you to lead them on from here. I know you've gotten good enough with that pistol to protect yourself and the others. I expect you to take charge. Remember that you're my son. The others won't look at your age if you remember that. And don't let them forget it either."

"Yes sir," Jimmy said. For a moment he was elated. He had always felt like the pest his father kicked aside on his way to do good things. Now he was not only going to be allowed to help but to take a position of power. He would lead. He would lead people to freedom.

These would not be the first escaped slaves that Jimmy would meet. Their home had housed many through the years. Jimmy knew what these people went through to merely live a life that he took for granted. Jimmy might wish to get more of his father's affectionate attention but he understood on some level. What he sacrificed of his father's attention was so that others could live a better life. It was noble and Jimmy tried to remember that when Cel was the only one who remembered his birthday.

Jimmy fought to keep his composure. It wouldn't do to express his gratitude at being treated like a man by acting like a child.

"And thanks, Pa. I won't let you down."

He turned his attention to the food on his plate. Celinda was really a good cook. He should help her with the dishes tonight to show his appreciation for her hard work. She should be more of a child than she was allowed to be.

Once he and Delia got settled, he would send for Celinda and Lydia. Delia thought they were wonderful and he would find a way to take care of all of them so his sisters could be little girls again. He wanted to think that Celinda could help instead of being responsible for everything and that Lydia would never know the life Cel had known.

Delia. The thought brought him to a screeching halt.

"Pa," Jimmy said getting his father's attention. "When is all this happening?"

"Not sure when they'll get here," the man answered. "Probably day after tomorrow but could be a day either way. You'll be moving them out Monday."

"Monday?"

His father only nodded.

* * *

"Wait," Lou piped up. "Wasn't that when you and Delia was leaving?"

Jimmy sighed heavily and nodded.

"Yeah…Finally decide to be a man for Delia and the only thing standing in the way is the first time my father treats me like a man."

* * *

**Hey there...I told you all I knew what was coming. It turns out it was easier to figure than the next installment of GGS. So the less than 20 of you who read this story should feel good that you got something before the fewer than 20 people who read that story. Well, at least I like these stories. At least some of you out there still do too.**

**So I was wrong about only 2 chapters remaining...there two more after this. I thought just one more but there's some important stuff.**

**And I wish to apologize for Jimmy getting all handsy...thirteen year old boys are nearly incorrigible. But it all worked out.**

**So let me know what you think you lovely handful of souls still following this story. I love you.-J**


	9. Chapter 9

"So what did you do?" asked Noah with a look in his eyes suspecting that a young man so in love would have chosen the girl over anything else.

"Well, I didn't have much choice," Jimmy replied as his eyes grew distant once again with the memories of Delia and his younger self.

* * *

"I don't understand," Delia repeated for what must have been the third time at least. "You said we were leaving Monday."

"I know what I said. But things changed," Jimmy told her yet again. She was a smart enough girl but he was starting to lose patience with this conversation. It hadn't been easy for him to make this decision and her wounded look and repeated questions weren't helping things at all.

"I don't…"

"Understand?" he finished for her. "I know. I'm trying to explain it to you, Delia. If I tell Pa I can't, he'll want to know why. I been raised for this my whole life. I won't have an answer but the truth and you and I both know I can't tell him that. And if I say I'll do it and then don't show…well, those people are going to die. You don't know what they go through to even get this far. I have to do this."

"But we were going to be together, Jimmy. We were going to get married."

"We still are. Just later. If we leave either the next night or Wednesday, we'll still have a near full moon to run by. It'll be fine, Delia. I promise. You still trust me, don't you?"

"I can't believe you're choosing a bunch of slaves over our future, Jimmy."

"And I can't believe you just said that," he countered. "In fact, I'm going to choose to believe that you're just upset and that you aren't really suggesting that two days is worth human beings dying. 'Cause if that's how you really feel, Delia…I'm glad I found out now and not once I was married to you."

"Well, maybe I'm glad to find out that total strangers are more important to you than I am!" she snapped back before storming off.

Jimmy watched her leave and a part of him wanted to go after her and give in to anything she asked but he couldn't do that. A man didn't do such things. A man stuck to his convictions. And if she couldn't appreciate what he had to do as a man then maybe she didn't really want him as _her_ man. It was a sad thought but an honest one.

He sighed. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to maybe be sad but tell him she understood and that she trusted him to take care of them. He wanted her to see how his concern for these strangers spoke of his sense of responsibility, his integrity. She saw none of that.

In a huff, he stomped off toward home and even snapped at poor Celinda. He felt badly about it later though and decided to help her with the dishes to make up for it.

* * *

"Miss Delia! Now why ain't you come down for dinner yet?" Jessamine's voice carried into Delia's room as the woman made her way up the stairs.

"I'm afraid I'm not very hungry this evening, Mammy."

"Not even for roast beef and glazed carrots?"

"Not even for that," Delia sighed. "I'm sorry you went to such trouble for me."

"You know it ain't no trouble taking care of you, Miss Delia," Jessamine said simply. "You's my pride and joy, little girl. But I'm starting to worry for you. It ain't like you to just not eat. If this is about that boy…"

"Mammy," Delia interrupted. "This is not about Jimmy. Not really. I thought it was when I came in but it's not. It's about me. I'm terribly shallow. I don't think it's a very becoming trait. Jimmy called me on it and I don't think I reacted very well."

"What you mean you's shallow?"

"I mean…I've never really considered the world outside my genteel little experience. I've failed to look at things right under my nose because they might make me uncomfortable."

"Like what, Miss Delia?"

"Like your life, Mammy. I know you care for me. I can't doubt it and I love you…I think I might love you more than Mother. You've been the one who was there to rock me through nightmares and sing me to sleep and teach me to make a pecan pie like hardly anyone else. But…you never had a choice and I'm not your child. I…I don't even know…did you ever have a child of your own?"

"Miss Delia," Jessamine began. "There's no good can come of digging into the past, child."

"You did, didn't you? Was it a boy or a girl? What happened to the child? Did your own baby get to fall asleep in your arms?"

"I had a little girl," Jessamine said reluctantly. "Pretty little thing, she was. I just been moved to work in the house about the time she was born. Your sister, Elizabeth was just a little thing then. I took care of my little Nettie myself 'til she was near a year. But then, I needed to give all my attention to Miss Elizabeth. My sister took care of her then. When your daddy allowed Mr. Montgomery to buy some of his slaves, my sister Tillie was one of 'em. He let Tillie take Nettie with her. Mr. Montgomery wasn't a bad man and he wasn't far away neither. Sometimes one of his men would come to our land and bring me news."

Jessamine looked up to see the tears streaming down Delia's face.

"Now don't you fret like that, Miss Delia," she chastised warmly. "I's alright and Nettie growed up just fine."

"I can't believe he did that to you," Delia sobbed. "All you did for us…for me. How hard you worked and how you loved us…and he…he _took_ your child from you. Worse…he _sold_ her…like she was a cow or a bushel of cotton."

"He didn't do no such thing, child. You don't talk about your daddy like that. He's been a good master to me. I made the choice to send her with Tillie. It wasn't easy to see her go but I knowed it was right. Got hard sometimes when Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Ephraim was being so snotty. But then you came along. Sweetest baby that ever there was. Still a sweet girl."

"I'm not really all that sweet, Mammy," she sniffled. "I've never given a thought before to…what it must be like. I'm sorry."

"What has that boy done to you, Miss Delia? He done robbed all your joy from you!"

"Jimmy's done nothing but open my eyes to the world, Mammy dear. There is bliss to be had in ignorance but it isn't real joy."

Delia looked up sharply, her eyes wide and filled with urgency.

"I have to see him. I have to apologize. I have to tell him I understand. He has to know that I see now how right he is."

"Delia, it's dinner time," Jessamine began to protest.

"Please, Mammy, I know I am asking far too much but can't you make some excuse for me? That I needed some air? That…I don't know what…tell them I'm having female trouble and feel unsettled…I just need to go to him."

* * *

Jimmy was just finishing up the evening's chores when he thought he heard something moving outside the barn.

"I already said I was sorry, Celinda," he called. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

A shadow graced the doorway of the barn and Jimmy lifted his eyes to see that it was not his sister coming out to tell him how terrible he'd been to her. It was Delia.

"Oh, it's you," he mumbled.

"I don't suppose you even want to look at me now, do you?"

He wanted to look at her alright. He wanted to do more than look. He wanted to kiss her and hold her tightly and run his hands over her curves. Being angry at her didn't change a single thing as far as that was concerned. And he was angry. And hurt. And still hopelessly in love with her. So he stood there glaring at her and saying nothing.

"I don't blame you," she said softly. "I was terrible to you. And I was wrong. I am sorry. I can't believe you've ever wanted a thing to do with me for as stupid as I must seem to you. I can't believe how lucky I am to be marrying such a fine man. You're going to change the lives of those people. You're going to give them life in ways their very parents couldn't. I'm so proud of you."

"I don't think I understand what you're trying to tell me, Delia."

"You go ahead and do what's right and then, if you still want me at all, you tell me when and where and I'll be ready to go with you. I only hope you can forgive me for how awful I was to you."

"Thought you'd be too mad at how selfish I was being to want to still marry me," he said still not quite getting what was happening.

"I shouldn't have been angry to begin with, Jimmy," she said sweetly. "You are only trying to make the world a better place to live. Someday we'll be raising our own children in this world and you'll make it so much better for them. I was the selfish one. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Yeah…I'm sorry too. I got a little nasty with you. I didn't have to be like that."

"I don't blame you a bit," she said closing the distance to him looking more like a predator than the innocent and charming girl she usually appeared to be. Jimmy swallowed hard and resisted the confusing urge to take a step back away from her. "If anything, the powerful way you spoke to me only made me want to marry you even more."

"It did?" he asked weakly as her arms draped around his neck.

"Mmm-hmmm," she hummed as she twirled her fingers in the hair that fell over the back of his collar. "Why, all I can think about is that soon I'll be all yours."

She kissed his neck lightly.

"My heart."

Another soft kiss pressed to his jaw.

"My soul."

Her lips pressed warmly to his cheek.

"And my body," she breathed as her lips captured his, open and demanding. He returned the kiss matching her fervor and hunger.

Delia's body pressed tightly to his own and it was the first time Jimmy wasn't ashamed of the obvious response she caused. She didn't seem embarrassed either as she held her body more firmly against his conspicuous need. Her words sank in at last and he groaned at the thought that soon she would give herself over to him completely.

Before Jimmy could fathom what was happening, Delia was pulling him toward a pile of fresh, sweet straw and then tugging him down into it with her.

* * *

"What happened next ain't none of your business," Jimmy said gruffly to those assembled around him.

"James Hickok," Rachel said in shock.

"Ain't like that, Rachel," he explained hollowly. "It's just…it's private, you know?"

"Of course, sweetie," she said patting his hand like she was comforting a small child. "How about I scrounge us up some lunch and we let Jimmy be for a little while?"

The others pushed themselves up from their places on the floor of the bunkhouse porch and went off to see to various chores that could be done in the time it would take for Rachel to put together some sandwiches and make up some lemonade. They were all quiet until they knew they were out of earshot. But one man lagged behind.

Jimmy felt the presence even with his eyes closed but he was surprised when it was not Kid but Noah standing before him.

"Need something, Noah?" Jimmy asked trying to sound annoyed but not coming close. He was far too tired for his usual front.

"Before…It wasn't fair of me to assume you'd choose…I'm sorry, Jimmy," Noah said finally settling on a straightforward apology. "I should've known you better."

"Oh, I tossed around every way possible that I could get out of it without revealing my secret," Jimmy smiled bitterly. "I ain't proud of it at all. But what I told her was the truth. If I told my pa that I couldn't help those people, I would have to have one hell of a good story for why. And I didn't have any good story at all…except the one thing I couldn't tell him."

"There's lots of boys in that position might've told their pas that they'd do it and then just not show."

"Yeah, well, they didn't have my pa," Jimmy said flatly. "And they hadn't seen what runaways go through just to get as far as Kansas. What I told her about that was true too. They'd've been killed for sure without the help I'd be giving them. I couldn't let human beings get killed like that…or put back in chains. I…well, I just couldn't. Not sure I'd like to meet the man or boy who could."

"That's probably why I like you so much," Noah said offering a wide and open smile. "That and your sparkling personality."

"Don't you have something else to do?"

"I'm going, I'm going," Noah said waving his arms as he walked away. "Don't sell yourself short though, Jimmy. You made a tough choice and you chose well."

Jimmy watched Noah walk away and then muttered, "I wish I could be as sure of that as you are, Noah."

Once he was alone on the porch, Jimmy closed his eyes again and allowed himself to think back to that evening when Delia had come to apologize. He hadn't lied. The conclusion that Rachel had jumped to at first was a false one. But plenty went on in that pile of straw all the same. Their hands roved where they pleased and, while clothes were not shed, they were unfastened to allow curious hands access to the fevered flesh underneath.

He'd never, in all his days, forget how soft her skin felt beneath his work worn hands or the pleasured sounds his touch elicited from her. It was both animal and divine what took place between them. In all of the boasting talk he'd heard from his brothers, he never knew this raw emotion was at the heart of all of this. It was heady, intoxicating even. Or maybe it was just Delia that made him feel that way.

In time their passions calmed and he held her tight to him in the dimming light in the barn. She was warm and soft and holding her was right. Everything they did was right and had they done more that night it would have been right too. There was something sacred in the near dark of the barn that night.

The quiet that fell between them was pristine and perfect. It was warm and comforting and full of a promise that didn't need to be spoken, just understood.

A hand on his shoulder brought Jimmy out of his thoughts about that simple and pure evening spent in the arms of his lovely Delia. Rachel didn't deserve the scowl he gave her. It wasn't her fault. It was his.

She met his scowl with a sympathetic smile and offered him a plate of food and a cup of lemonade. He took both wordlessly. As he slowly chewed the first bite of his sandwich, he felt the eyes on him. When he looked up, they all looked away but he understood. He couldn't very well take them all this far into the story and stop there.

And suddenly he didn't want to stop either. He wanted—no, he needed—to tell the rest of this story. Even though it would mean that they would know. They would know the terrible person he was. They would know the secret he guarded most closely. They would turn from him but he needed to say it and damn the consequences.

"So, I guess I ought to finish telling this story," he began. "Since you're all here and everything."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Kid piped up.

"I know. I think I actually want to now."

Jimmy took a few swallows of his lemonade and then began to speak again.

"So, we shifted our plans a little around what I needed to do. Actually, I figured it would be better this way. We could leave the next night and still have nearly the light and if we went a different direction than I'd led those escaped slaves, no one would even take note."

* * *

"Jimmy, there's horses riding in…and a wagon too," Celinda informed him.

"Probably our guests," he said. He wasn't just to be in charge of leading them away, as it turned out, he was in charge completely at home as well. His father was away. He went to mysterious meetings sometimes. Jimmy suspected that, if he was going to stay around, that he would be let in on the mystery soon. But he wasn't staying so it didn't matter much.

"You got something for them to eat, Cel?" he asked her as he headed for the door, grabbing his pistol as he went—just in case. "You know them poor folks probably ain't had hardly anything for a while."

"I'll get something and get to cooking some more too."

"Bring it to the cellar," he instructed before slipping out the front door to meet the new arrivals.

Jimmy walked out into the yard holding the gun protectively in front of him but then relaxed when he recognized the faces of men who had brought runaways to the house in the past. He holstered the weapon and stuck his hand out to the first man he came to.

"It's good to see you, Mr. Clayton," he said. "Pa's away. He left me in charge. You can move them right into the cellar. I'll follow you."

It wasn't a very large group but then they had learned over time that a smaller group was safer to move than a large one. Jimmy watched as the five souls were led to the cellar under the barn and then went into the cellar himself with two extra lanterns. He nodded at Mr. Clayton and the other two men as they took their leave. Four sets of terrified eyes turned to him. The fifth set belonged to an infant asleep in its mother's arms.

"I want to welcome you folks here tonight," he began trying to sound as calming as his father always did. "My name's Hickok. James Hickok but you all can just call me Jimmy. We're equal here so no need for being formal. I know you all must be exhausted from the trip and hungry besides. I hear my sister coming now with some food. There's plenty and there'll be plenty more. Don't be shy. You've come a long way but there's still a long way to go and you'll all need your strength."

He looked pointedly at the woman with the baby.

"Especially you, ma'am. You got to keep that babe strong too so he can see freedom."

The woman nodded with tears beginning to form in her large, dark eyes. Something about those eyes struck him as vaguely familiar. It was probably nothing more than the look he had seen in the eyes of all of those who'd come before. The cautious optimism. The desire to believe it could work coupled with the fear that they would end up dead or right back where they started. He crossed over to her and took a seat next to her.

"It's going to be alright now," he said softly. "I'll get you to the next stop. After that, there's more travel between stops but you'll be farther and farther from danger every time you rest your head."

He'd heard this speech a thousand times over the years from his father as he tried to comfort those who were losing hope or beginning to despair. His father had shared a good many useful words of wisdom through the years. Chief among them was that treating these weary pilgrims on their way to freedom with the respect due any other member of the human race was as important as moving them along safely. It didn't cost a thing to treat another with dignity but dignity in itself was worth more than gold.

"I can't even imagine what you've been through, ma'am," he went on. "But I will see to it you never have to again."

"Thank you, sir," the young woman responded. He felt it again. That feeling that somehow he knew this woman. He couldn't, of course, but it only grew stronger as he watched her protectively clutch her babe tightly to her.

"I ain't 'sir' neither," he said smiling at her. "Just Jimmy. I only call you ma'am 'cause it's how I was taught to address a lady…especially when I don't know her name."

She smiled at him cautiously and he could see the defenses rising in her. Kindness had probably not been offered her for its own sake. At least not from white folks. He decided to change the subject.

"Fine looking boy you got there," he said nodding to the child in her arms. "What's his name?"

"Jesse," she replied looking proudly at the bundled infant.

"That's a good strong name," he said. "The way you talk…you ain't from Missouri or Arkansas, are you? That's usually all we get coming through here."

She shook her head.

"South Carolina."

He began to wonder about what a small world it was. What were the odds? He wanted to ask where in South Carolina and then realized it didn't matter right then. Maybe before it was time for this group to move along he could ask her more, find out if she had known the Bell family. Still, he had to say something.

"I should apologize that you been taken this far out of your way. If you'd gone straight north, you'd be free in Canada by now."

"I came this way on purpose," she said cautiously. "I been trying to find someone."

"Someone in Kansas?"

She nodded.

"We just had a family move here from South Carolina a few months back," he said feigning nonchalance. The baby's name, where she was from…it couldn't be all coincidence. He didn't want to frighten the poor girl but he was becoming more certain by the moment who she was and who she was looking for. "You wouldn't be looking for the Bell family, would you? Or maybe for one of the slaves they brought with them?"

She nodded at him wide-eyed.

"Jessamine," he whispered more to himself than to her. She heard him all the same.

"You seen my mama?"she asked with guarded hope.

* * *

**On the home stretch folks! The next chapter will be the last, I believe. So for those of you who think I never finish a story...well, you're wrong. I do finish them...sometimes!**

**And thank you so much Beulah for your eyes on this. I would not have been able to make this work without her. You're the best, kitten!-J**


	10. Chapter 10

"Nettie?" Delia shrieked. "Are you certain, Jimmy?"

"About as certain as I can be," he told her. "The way these folks have to travel…always by night and sometimes hidden in manure wagons…you just don't make the trip longer without a real good reason."

"And she had a baby?"

He nodded.

"Little boy…calls him Jesse."

"Jimmy, she has to know," Delia insisted.

"I know that. I just don't know exactly how to go about it. Nettie ain't the only person I got hid down in the root cellar. I can't risk their lives."

Jimmy watched as Delia chewed her lip and knitted her brows together in thought and, as inappropriate a thought as it was, Jimmy felt a terrible urge to kiss her right then. He was just about to lean in and do just that when her eyes lit up.

"I have an idea!"

She quickly relayed her plan to him and he was so overcome with the very brilliance of it that he did kiss her then. He kissed her a lot.

* * *

Jimmy stood in the clearing next to Dusty and watched for Delia. This was where they were to meet if everything went according to Delia's plan. Soon he saw two figures approaching.

"Did you have any problems?" he asked Delia once she was close enough.

"None at all," she replied with a smile.

"I don't know what you two young 'uns got planned but I don't see why I have to go all the way to this young man's place just to find out a cookie recipe. You could write it down and read it to me, Miss Delia," Jessamine protested.

"But Mammy, it's an old family recipe," Delia countered. "We can't write it down. Then just everyone and anyone would have it and then it wouldn't be so special."

The woman rolled her eyes and Jimmy had more than half a notion that she knew they weren't going to his house to have Celinda show Jessamine how to make his mama's sugar cookies. She may have never had an actual education, but Jessamine was a smart woman and she was beginning to see through their plot even if she didn't know what was behind it exactly.

The trio walked toward Jimmy's house in silence with Jessamine trailing a little behind Jimmy and Delia who walked with their arms around each other. Jessamine bit her tongue to keep from pointing out that a young lady shouldn't walk in such a familiar manner with a young man. It wasn't her place.

At last they arrived at the modest home where Jimmy and Delia led Jessamine onto the porch.

"My sisters are inside," Jimmy explained as he opened the door and held it for the two women to enter. He followed them inside and then called to Celinda.

Celinda came out from the hall a moment later with Lydia trailing behind her dragging her doll by the foot.

"Ain't it her nap time or something?" he asked with a little edge to his voice. He really didn't need this whole thing upended by an eight year old.

"She doesn't take naps anymore, Jimmy," Celinda said returning the bite in his voice with one of her own. "She's eight, not three."

They all just stood there a moment and looked at each other before Jimmy decided he'd better make the introductions.

"Jessamine," he began, "These are my sisters. Celinda is the older one and the other one's Lydia. Cel, Lyd, this is Jessamine. And you both already know Delia."

Both girls smiled and Celinda spoke.

"Welcome to our home, Jessamine," she beamed. "If you'll just excuse me, I was just entertaining another guest who would be most excited to meet you."

Jimmy saw Jessamine stiffen.

"It's okay," he whispered to her. "Ain't no one got anything to fear in this house."

Then he turned to Delia and Jessamine.

"If you ladies would like to have a seat, I'm sure Celinda will be right out."

"We ain't here about no cookies are we?" Jessamine asked.

"No we ain't," he confirmed.

Before Jessamine could ask anymore questions, Celinda came back into the front room leading a black woman with a baby.

Jessamine's brow furrowed in some sort of recognition.

"It can't be…"

"Mama?" Nettie inquired.

"Nettie? Is it you child?"

"It's me, Mama!"

Jimmy looked over at Delia to see her dabbing at her eyes with her lace handkerchief. He stood then.

"I'm going to check on the others and leave you ladies to talk," he said pushing himself off of the chair. "I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on. You wouldn't mind giving me a hand, would you, Delia?"

"Of course not, Jimmy."

Once out on the porch, Jimmy turned to Delia.

"I just thought maybe they needed some privacy," he explained.

The two young people stood on the porch a few moments before Jimmy led Delia to the barn.

"The others are down below," he told her.

"Can I talk to you a minute before we go to check on them?" Delia asked. He nodded.

"I'm just feeling so emotional," she said. "I never knew. I never knew so many things. What you must have thought of me sometimes. I am sure you thought I was the most terrible and unfeeling soul alive."

"I could never think that about you, Delia."

"But you did all the same," she countered. "I know you did. And I don't even blame you. I was terrible. I see that now. You are a fine man, Jimmy Hickok. I'll never doubt that after what I've seen."

Tears were forming in her riveting copper eyes.

"I understand so much now. I see the man you are and even the one you'll be. I have never been prouder to know I'll be by your side through everything."

Jimmy could hold back no longer as he took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. If anything had felt amiss about being with her before, it was set to rights when she said what she had. There was completeness in knowing she understood why he did what he did and was willing to be partner to all of it.

They were interrupted by the sound of the front door of the house closing sharply. Jimmy took Delia's hand and they went to look out of the barn to see Jessamine standing on the porch looking distraught.

"Oh dear," Delia lamented, "Something has gone wrong. What could have gone wrong? She should be happy to see Nettie."

"I don't know," he replied. "I would've thought she'd be happy too."

Before the two of them could even begin to head toward the front of the house, the door opened again and Nettie came out followed by Celinda carrying little Jesse. Jimmy pulled harder on Delia's arm, knowing that Celinda might not be able to handle the situation on her own. Even if she could handle it, he didn't want to make her. She'd been such a help to him that he didn't want to load that much onto her.

They reached the porch just as Nettie let out her first sob.

"Mama, I can't believe you won't come with me. I've come all this way. Don't you even want to come and be with your grandbaby?"

"Ain't about want, baby girl," Jessamine tried to explain. "I just can't. I can't come with you. I got responsibilities. I got Miss Delia here to look after."

"But Mammy," Delia piped up and then paused to think. She so would have liked to reveal her plans with Jimmy so that Mammy would understand that she wouldn't need anyone much longer but she knew she could not. Still, Delia could not face being the reason this family wouldn't be together. "Why, I'm almost grown now, Mammy. I'm fourteen years old. You've raised me. You've raised me well. I feel I can handle my life because of all you taught me. I could not have asked for a better Mammy. But Nettie here has gone so long without you. She's going to need your guidance now. And Jesse there should know you. Elizabeth's son knows Mama. It just wouldn't be right if you weren't there for them. Please, Mammy, I know you might not see the wrong that's been done but you surely must see how it can be made right."

* * *

"She sure changed her tune," Lou remarked pulling Jimmy from his memories.

"She wasn't a bad person, Lou" Jimmy snapped back. "She just never knew anything else. Once she could see things for herself and see there was other ways…"

Cody stepped in to Jimmy's aid.

"Yeah, it's easy to forget that not everyone grows up like some of us did. Took Kid here a little while to see things like we always saw them too, if you recall."

"Did Jessamine finally agree to come with?" asked Noah, not really caring about the talk of Delia's changing attitudes.

Jimmy nodded.

"It wasn't easy to convince her," he said. "But we finally did it. Well, Delia did it. She was something, she really was. I know it seems like we didn't know each other well enough or didn't have enough in common or anything but really…she was a very special lady. I did love her."

"I know you did, Jimmy," Rachel said softly as she squeezed his shoulders.

"It took some doing to figure out how we was going to get her out of the house to join us. But Delia worked up a plan. She was smart too."

* * *

Night fell on that Monday with the full moon and Jimmy went down to the cellar.

"It's time to get a move on now," he told the people down there. "Celinda's packed you up some food for the trip. And you'll be travelling in a wagon for a ways. It ain't the nicest and you'll have to hide but it ain't a manure wagon neither. We got one stop just outside of town. It won't be but a minute but there's one more joining your group. I'll be riding with you for a few miles and then I'll turn you over to the men that are with me and they'll see you safe to your next stop."

Jimmy paused and took a breath. He had heard the next part of this speech before and knew he'd never get the words just right but he could get the meaning across all the same.

"I know I don't have to tell you that it ain't right how you all got your starts in life," he began. "But your whole lives ain't going to be that anymore. It ain't always dignified how we ask you to travel. I wish I could put each and every one of you on a stagecoach but we know that can't happen. I know you've traveled with animals and even rode in their filth. But I just want to remind you that dirt can be washed off. Once you are free, that freedom cannot be washed off or taken from you ever again. I hate that you have to exist how we wouldn't even ask livestock to live just so you can someday know the dignity all men should. But you will live the rest of your days like men and women as all people should. Of course, I say all that and it don't mean that I won't try to make this as dignified as I can for you. I hate the way you've been treated and I hope I've done something to show that to you."

Before he could turn to leave, he felt a hand on his arm.

"Mama's coming, right?"

Jimmy looked into the pleading eyes of Nettie.

"She's coming," he confirmed. "Delia'll make sure of it. I don't think she could rightly stand it if anything kept the two of you apart any longer."

"I don't think I can thank you enough," Nettie said as her voice cracked and her eyes shone at him. "I wasn't even sure how to find her. I thought she was here but then when I got here, I was afraid to ask."

"I'm just glad I could get the two of you together again," he told her.

* * *

Jimmy and the two men who came with him, Nate Peterson and Henry Cousins, got the whole procession moving. Once they'd been moving a little while, Nate sidled his horse up to Dusty.

"You sure we should be stopping where we are, Jimmy?" he asked. "Your pa don't normally stray too far from the plan."

Jimmy felt nearly sick for a moment but then shoved his shoulders back and began to speak.

"For one thing, Nate," he said, emphasizing his use of the man's first name. "My pa ain't here. He left me in charge, not you. And for another, ain't no way my pa would turn anyone away trying to head to freedom. I ain't going to be the first Hickok to refuse to help one either."

Jimmy wasn't sure if he managed the assertive tone he was trying for but Nate backed off and didn't mention it again. It made Jimmy smile to himself that he could command such respect from a man more than twice his age. He had been concerned about taking a man's role in supporting Delia but now he was beginning to see, his age wouldn't limit him as long as he acted the right way.

It wasn't much longer before they came to the copse of trees where Delia and Jessamine were to meet him. He was surprised to see Sundance lightly tethered to a tree as well. He had expected Delia to come on foot.

Jimmy quickly dismounted Dusty and closed the distance to where the women stood. Henry came with him.

"Henry, this is Jessamine," Jimmy explained. "The girl with the baby is her daughter. We're reuniting a family here."

"I'll see to her," Henry replied.

In the full moon, Jimmy could see Delia's eyes welling with tears as she watched Jessamine walk away toward freedom and the child she should have been raising. He placed an arm around her.

"This is what's right," he reminded her.

"I know," she said. "I'm not sad…not really. It's a happy thing."

"You look sad," he whispered.

"Okay…maybe I'm a little sad for how much I'll miss her," Delia conceded. "She's been everything to me. And I feel a little guilty that I got what Nettie deserved and should have had."

"You couldn't've known," Jimmy tried to comfort her. "And you're doing what you can to make it right now."

He leaned down and kissed her softly before straightening up.

"It's going to be a late night for me but I'll be around in the morning," he said trying to sound much surer of himself than he felt. "I would imagine that we won't see each other right away for the ruckus that'll come from her being gone. But it'll make it even easier for us to go in a couple of days."

He brushed his fingers over her face and smiled fondly at her before squaring his shoulders.

"It's time you best be going," he told her. "We'll be together again soon and then I won't ever have to leave you."

"I can't leave you, Jimmy," she declared. "I can't. Daddy and his friends are out looking for runaways on the move tonight."

"They're what?"

"You think your father is the only one committed to a cause?" she asked him simply. "If people like my father weren't just as diligent, your father wouldn't have a cause to fight for. Things would have been changed a long time ago. It's his night to go on patrol. They're coming this way. It's not like I could tell him to go another way. What possible explanation would I have for knowing which way slaves were moving? And if I did misdirect him and he found Mammy gone in the morning…well, everything really would be lost then."

Jimmy closed his eyes to think a moment and then opened them again. When he spoke, his words were very deliberate.

"You warned me," he stated. "I'm glad you did. Nate and Henry and I can handle this. There's only ever two or three guys on those patrols and we're pretty decent shots if it comes to that. We'll get them through. You go on home now. I'll send Celinda over in the morning maybe with a message to let you know I'm alright."

"I am not leaving you, Jimmy," Delia was adamant. "I love you and I will stay by your side through anything and everything."

"It's too dangerous," he argued.

"I don't care. I'll not leave the man I love."

"Delia, if we do meet up with your daddy, you'll have to tell him about us. It'll be over. We'll be lucky if he doesn't pack you off to school in the night…or even pick up and move the whole family overnight."

"Jimmy, these people don't have time for you to stand here and argue with me. I am coming with you. You know I can ride so I won't slow you at all. You can't stop me. You might as well know now that you're about to marry a stubborn woman."

Jimmy wanted to argue further but she was right. Time was wasting and time was a commodity they sorely lacked, especially in light of her news. He swung himself onto Dusty's back and rode over to the other two men.

"Keep an extra sharp lookout," he told them. "Got it on good authority that the patrols are headed in this direction tonight. I will not lose this package. Do you fellas understand that?"

They both nodded at him and the party was once again off. Henry drove the wagon containing the runaways while Nate and Jimmy kept a sharp eye out for trouble. Jimmy truly hoped that Nate was an observant man as he knew his own attention was distracted by Delia's presence. He worried for her. This was a dangerous enough a job without her along. But she had made it clear she would not be dissuaded. And she had as much at stake in seeing Jessamine free as anyone else, maybe more than most. Just because she was a girl and a girl he loved didn't mean she shouldn't be able to stand up for things she believed in as he did. Or, at least, that's what Celinda would say and he knew she was right. He didn't have to like it but he'd asked her to accept him and his beliefs. She understood that meant putting himself in danger. That couldn't have been easy for her. He owed it to her to return the gesture.

It didn't stop him from worrying though. If anything happened to her, he wasn't sure he could go on...with this mission or anything else for that matter.

It came as no surprise to him that it was Nate who sensed something amiss up ahead. They were just about to come out into a clearing that was nearly bright as day with the moonlight. They would be exposed while they crossed the meadow. Jimmy was trying to listen for everything but couldn't hear a single thing over the pounding of his heart. He halted Dusty and signaled for Henry to bring the wagon to a stop as well when Nate lifted his hand.

"We're being watched," Nate whispered. "They're waiting on us."

Jimmy swallowed hard and hoped to all that was good and holy that his voice didn't pick now to crack. It did that less and less these days but still could betray him from time to time and he could not afford such a thing right now.

"Delia," he said turning to her as she sat rigidly on Sundance's back. "Hang back with Henry here. Stay close to him. He's got the rifles and a pistol."

She looked to protest but then just nodded.

"Henry, I need you to stay still for a couple minutes. We need to see where they all are. There usually ain't but two or three of them. That means that if we can distract 'em, you could hightail it to the old Mill road. I know it ain't the fastest path but it might be the only safe one."

He then turned to Nate.

"It's up to you and me to draw them out. We can take 'em. I don't doubt that. But only if we can see them which means we have to get them out of the shadows and into that moonlight."

Jimmy looked around him. The path they were on was a lesser known one and hard for the wagon to travel. It provided some dense cover and, if the slavers were waiting for them to come into the open light of the meadow, then the wagon was still out of their sight. He hoped it was at any rate.

As it turned out, it didn't matter if the wagon could be seen from the meadow as a man jumped out from behind a bush not five feet from where Jimmy sat upon Dusty's back. His gun was drawn.

"That's about far enough, son. Now why don't you show my friends and me what you have in that wagon."

Nate opened his mouth and the simple act of Nate trying to usurp the power his father had given him got Jimmy's own mouth working again.

"I ain't your son," Jimmy spat. "I'd be shamed to be any part of you. What's in that wagon is my concern, not yours. Still a free country where a man can ride his horse or pull a wagon anytime and anywhere he's a mind to."

"Maybe so," the man sneered. "But there's things that a man can't haul in that wagon without involving the law and I 'spect even someone green as you knows that."

"Don't see no badge on your chest," Jimmy countered. That's when the other two men emerged from the brush. One of them he knew to be Mr. Bell. Jimmy tried not to stare. In another time or place, he would have sat nervously in this man's parlor asking for permission to properly court his daughter. In this one, he had to plan to run off with her like thieves in the night.

"I've had enough of this," Mr. Bell growled. "Show us what's in the wagon and maybe we don't shoot you."

He waved his pistol for emphasis. Jimmy had quickly drawn when the first man had stepped out of the darkness and now he trained the barrel right on Mr. Bell's chest.

"Got another idea," Jimmy said flatly. "You let us pass and maybe we don't shoot _you_."

Mr. Bell laughed and trained his gun on Jimmy. Jimmy heard the whimper behind him and silently begged Delia to stay put. So far she had not been seen and he really couldn't risk what might happen if her father spotted her.

"Out of my way, boy!" the man bellowed. Jimmy held his ground.

"You'll have to go through me."

The sound of Mr. Bell's pistol being cocked was nearly deafening in the stillness of the night. The men with him seemed almost surprised by his actions.

"Daddy no!" Delia screamed

"Delia!" Mr. Bell exclaimed. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"What do you think? It's not right, Daddy. Owning people like they're livestock is just not right."

"The boy here tell you that?"

"He's not a boy," she asserted. "He's a man! And a good man too. And he didn't need to tell me anything. I have eyes, Daddy. I can see right and wrong myself. You're not in the right here, Daddy. You're just not. I love you but you're wrong here."

"This is more complicated than you think, Delia," he told her sharply. "There are issues here that you can't possibly understand."

"None of those issues can make it right, Daddy!"

"You!" Mr. Bell snarled turning his full focus to Jimmy. "What did you do to her?"

Jimmy might've come up with something to say but Delia was still screaming at her father.

"He didn't do a thing but love me, Daddy. He never told me what to think. He just showed me the world and let me think for myself. That's something you never did, Daddy!"

"A girl thinking for herself," Mr. Bell laughed. "I see it was a mistake to move you here. You got all kinds of crazy ideas from this mixed up place."

"There's nothing crazy about respecting people."

"Those aren't people! They are property! They are someone's property!"

"Mammy was more parent to me than you or Mama ever thought to be," Delia hollered at him. "The way I see it, she's more deserving of my love and respect than you!"

Through all of this, Jimmy's gun remained perfectly trained at Mr. Bell's heart while Mr. Bell's pistol was similarly trained on Jimmy.

Smartly, it seemed, Henry had decided to try to take advantage of the distraction to move the wagon around toward the old Mill road. It was a good idea until one of Mr. Bell's associates noticed.

"They're getting away!"

Shots rang out in the direction of the wagon from the two men who'd accompanied Mr. Bell and fire was returned by Nate and Henry.

Mr. Bell swung his pistol toward the fleeing wagon and Jimmy quickly jockeyed Dusty into Mr. Bell's path. Delia saw all of this and screamed.

"Daddy! Don't shoot him! I love him!"

Jimmy'd held his aim on Delia's father and could see the moment when his daughter's words hit home for the man. Jimmy knew Mr. Bell was about to pull the trigger. From the corner of his eye he could see Delia rushing toward them. He yelled for her to stay back although he knew it was too late for her to reverse her course. He had no choice but to pull the trigger of his own gun.

The path was a flurry of activity. Henry was pulling the wagon as fast as he could. The chase had become more a priority than firing weapons. Bell's men were in hot pursuit of Henry and Nate. Delia was frantically moving between her father and the man who held her heart.

For a moment, time seemed to pause. There was no sound but that of two pistols being fired ringing through the clear, bright, full-mooned night.

* * *

**I had initially thought this chapter would be the end but as I mapped it out, I soon realized there was just too much to fit into it. Sorry for the cliffhanger but I think many of you probably have some idea what might happen next and probably have had for some time. There really is only one more chapter of this story. **

**I know updates have sometimes been sporadic and I don't think this has the interest level of some other stories that I have written but I want to thank all in advance for having followed this to its end.**

**This was not the story I thought I would be writing when I started but it was the one Jimmy told me. Poor boy. I've been terrible to him lately. I think maybe once this one is all done that he might need a nice, fluffy EH story to set him to rights. He's such a good sport to keep going with me.**

**So stay tuned for the riveting conclusion of A Young Man's Fancy or How Jimmy Named His Horse...Same Bat time, Same Bat channel! In the meantime, you can busy yourself with letting me know what you think...did you like it? Are you clutching your pearls? Have you known for ages what would happen and are bored to tears waiting for me to get it over already?-J**


	11. Chapter 11

Silence sat heavy over those gathered on the bunkhouse porch. Jimmy had told them of the confrontation with Delia's father and how they had both fired their weapons at the same time. Then he stopped talking. He wasn't crying. He wasn't acting truly sad but he was quiet. Although Jimmy was a quiet sort by his very nature, his silence right then was eerie.

It was Cody who finally could not take it a moment longer.

"So what happened?"

The others looked to shush him but he waved off their efforts. He simply had to hear the end of this tale. The pain he could see etched on Jimmy's face, aging him far beyond his tender years, worried him. Jimmy could brood and get quiet and he surely had a temper but Cody had never seen him quite like this. He just had to know what had reduced him to this state. And besides, he'd never been able to resist a good story. This one just needed telling more than most.

"We…we both fired at the same time," Jimmy began haltingly. He swallowed hard as if trying to conjure the courage to go on. "I held my breath a minute. I think I was waiting for the pain. I was sure he'd shot me. When the pain didn't come, I looked to see and he was still sitting on his horse and hadn't been shot either. That sort of puzzled me 'cause I was a damned good shot even then. I think he was just as confused to see me sitting on Dusty still. I think we both saw her at the same time. I told her to stay back. I did. I yelled it…"

His voice broke and his eyes were moist with the memory of that night.

* * *

Jimmy's heart nearly stopped when he saw the stricken look on Delia's face. He saw her waver in the saddle and jumped off of Dusty as she seemed to wilt and slide right off the large palomino's back.

"Delia!" he yelled and from somewhere that might have been miles away for all he cared, he heard Mr. Bell echo the single word.

It seemed to take forever to reach where her body was collapsed next to her golden mount. If he had looked up, he would have seen her father closing the distance as well. But he did not look up. He could look nowhere but at her, his Delia. His love.

Jimmy reached Delia's crumbled form moments before her father. He knelt swiftly next to her and pulled her onto his lap, brushing her black hair from her face.

"Delia?" he called softly to her. "Delia, I'm here. I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Her eyes fluttered a moment and she groaned softly.

"Jimmy?" she murmured.

"I'm here," he assured her. It was then that he felt the hand tugging at his shoulder to try to pull him away.

"Delia!" the man standing next to Jimmy hollered. "Give her to me!"

"Get away from her!" Jimmy snarled holding her tighter. From that point he paid no more attention to her father no matter how the man ranted. And he did rant and rave. He tried more than once to physically remove Delia from Jimmy's arms. Yelled how Jimmy'd twisted her head all around. Jimmy shrugged him off and blocked out his words. Mr. Bell did not matter. Only Delia mattered now.

"Delia…can you hear me?"

"I'm frightened, Jimmy," she whispered with what little breath she could muster.

"I'm right here," he comforted her. "It's going to be alright. You'll be alright."

But she wasn't going to be alright and he knew that. Even at his tender age, he knew. He'd never actually seen a gunshot before on a person but he'd shot deer and there was no way that the amount of blood pooling around them could have a happy ending.

"You're going to be just fine," he repeated. He was lying and he knew it but there seemed little harm in it and she calmed some as he spoke. "We'll get you all better and then we'll run away like we planned. Unless your daddy sees how much we love each other. Maybe he does and even gives us his blessing. I'll take care of you, Delia."

She reached a delicate hand toward him and caressed his cheek with blood slicked fingers. He knew that she saw through his lies. It was all over her face. It was clear in her startling copper eyes. There was no fooling her. She was slipping away and they both knew it. She was going off where he couldn't follow. She wasn't supposed to do that. It wasn't the deal. They were supposed to go together. They were supposed to always be together. She wasn't supposed to leave him.

"There's so much I want to tell you, my dearest love," she said softly. There was a peace to her words and her tone. She had accepted what he never would. Her eyes looked deep into his and implored him to accept it as well. She looked so deeply into him that he felt her gaze to his very core. He dared to meet her eyes, to try to lend her what little strength he had to offer. "You've given me so much. You opened my eyes. I wish…I just wish I could tell you, show you what it all meant to me."

"You will, Delia," he said pleadingly. He was no longer lying to her. He was lying to himself. He thought maybe if he believed hard enough that she'd stay, that this wouldn't be the end. "You'll be fine and we'll have the rest of our lives for you to tell me anything you want."

"The rest of my life isn't that long, Jimmy. You know that. I need you to know…to remember that I love you. I'll always love you. Death cannot stop me from loving you."

"Please don't leave me," he begged.

"I'm not leaving you," she whispered tenderly. "I'll never really leave you. If…if you ever feel I've gone, just close your eyes and search for me with your heart. I'll be there."

Jimmy was sobbing and he didn't care who saw or what they might think or say about it.

"Promise me something, my darling."

Jimmy searched her lovely copper eyes and then nodded.

"Anything, Delia. I'll promise you anything."

"Be happy. Love again. You can, you know. There will be others who will see you as I do. Let yourself love one of them. Have the life we dreamed of. I'll be watching. I'll know if you don't do it."

Her attempt at good natured teasing was lost in a fit of coughing. Her lungs were struggling against the flood of her blood into them.

"Promise," she choked out.

"I promise."

"Kiss me. One last time, Jimmy. I love you so. Please kiss me."

"I love you too, Delia," he said somberly. And then he bent his head to hers and kissed her tenderly. He held his lips to hers until he felt the life leave her. Then he cradled her head to his chest and rocked back and forth, his tears falling into her soft coal black hair.

* * *

The collection of people sat in stunned silence on the porch of the bunkhouse. Occasionally a sniffle from Rachel broke the quiet of the moment. The others found they could not help but weep as well, albeit quietly.

For a while no one spoke. Jimmy sat stone still with the only movement the steady trickle of tears down his cheeks. The others seemed almost frightened to disturb the memories he was reliving.

It was Rachel who finally placed a hand on his shoulder. Jimmy looked up at her as if startled to not be alone.

"I'm sorry," Rachel choked out as she fought for a comforting smile. "I'm sorry you lost her."

"Didn't lose her," he rasped. "I killed her."

"It was your shot?" Kid asked feeling sick for this man who was so like a brother and the pain he was going through.

"They said they couldn't tell," Jimmy replied. "Said it could have been her father's shot as easy as mine. I never bought that though."

He stood so swiftly then that he wobbled and nearly fell over before striding off the porch and toward the barn. The others stood in shocked silence watching him and jumped as his fists connected over and over again with the wall at the side of the barn door.

Jimmy roared with grief although his screams did not form words. The others felt it all the same. Kid ran for him followed by the rest but stopped short as he approached, unsure of the best way to get close to the anguished man.

They all watched helplessly as Jimmy collapsed to the dirt sobbing shamelessly. No one, not even Teaspoon, seemed to know quite what to do. Finally Lou dared to step forward. She crouched next to him and placed a hand gently on his arm.

"It's alright," she whispered. "We're here for you."

He whirled around sharply enough to make Lou jump back and let out a squeak.

"I killed her, Lou!" he growled. "She loved me. She was going to marry me. She trusted me to care for her and I killed her! Do you understand, Lou? I killed the woman I loved! She was fourteen years old! Practically still a child and I killed her!"

"You don't know that," she offered. "It might not've been your shot."

"You don't get it, Lou! That don't matter. She was there on account of me. She would have been safe at home if not for me. I swore to protect her and I put her in harm's way! She's dead 'cause of me!"

He shrugged her away and stomped off keeping his back to his friends. He couldn't face them. He wasn't sure he ever could again. He headed away from them, away from the bunkhouse, the barn, the buildings that signified this home he deluded himself into thinking he had.

They had been his friends and this had been his home but he no longer deserved them. He never had. Surely they could see that now. He should go. He should do now what he knew he ought to have done before. He should join Delia. He couldn't bring her back but he could make sure she wasn't alone anymore. He had tried to be happy. He had tried to find love even. He had promised after all but it was of no use. _He_ was of no use without her.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder bringing him from his thoughts of the end he should seek out and he turned expecting to see Teaspoon ready to offer words of wisdom. Instead he saw Noah. It shocked him enough to anchor him to the spot.

"Did the runaways make it?"

Jimmy furrowed his brow in confusion and then understood. He nodded.

"Jessamine got to freedom with Nettie and Jesse?"

Jimmy nodded again.

"I even got a letter once. They made it all the way to Canada."

"You know as well as I do that doing right sometimes comes at a price," Noah said. "Your pa taught you that by example, didn't he?"

"Don't mean she had to die," Jimmy said helplessly. "I could've died. I would've for them. I was raised for it. It would have been alright if I had."

"Somehow I don't think Delia would have seen it the same way," Noah pointed out. "She believed as strongly as you did in the right of helping those people. She knew the danger. You told her. She died to allow…how many people was it again?"

"Six counting Jessamine."

"She died so that six people could live in freedom," Noah reminded him. "Maybe that's something that should've happened without death but we all know how many deaths it's taken and how many more it might take before things is right in this world. Delia wanted to do her part."

"I let her down, Noah."

"No…no more so than anyone else had," Noah comforted his friend. "Hell, you were better to her and better for her than anyone else ever had been. You gave her respect others were too afraid to offer. From what you said, doesn't sound like she regretted a thing."

"I-I thought I saw her the other day…what she would be like now. I let myself forget that I won't see her again…I can't."

"Yes you will, Jimmy," Kid said having just walked up on the pair. "She's waiting for you. And she's watching you. This grief...this isn't what she wanted for you. You know that."

"I don't know how to do what she asked."

"That's what we're here for, Jimmy," Lou piped up. "We care about you. We'll be here for you and we'll help you figure it all out. For her...for you too."

Jimmy nodded, his tears renewing at their open and unfettered love of him.

"I'm going to start supper," Rachel said desperate to bring her family back to some sort of normalcy. "The rest of you best get to whatever chores need doing before you wash up."

The group started to disband away from Jimmy who just stood there with his shoulders slumped. Kid and Noah began to walk away but then paused.

"You coming with us?" Kid asked as Noah looked on worriedly.

Jimmy nodded weakly.

"Give me a minute?"

"Sure thing," Noah said and then added, "Just don't do anything foolish."

"I don't think I have the energy for foolishness," Jimmy replied.

Once the others left him alone, he realized he had made it most of the way to the corral. Through his tears he could see Sundance looking at him. Damned horse knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

He spent so much time trying to forget Delia and how much her death hurt him. The guilt he carried, the heartbreak. But the moment he first laid eyes on that palomino ambling toward him, as if they belonged to one another already, he knew. That was his horse, no one else's, and there was no question what to name it. What was more, the horse seemed to just understand it too. In his lowest times, just sitting astride the beast could painfully stab his heart with her memory.

Now he took comfort in it. This wasn't her horse, wasn't the same creature who had carried her on muscles that rippled like sun dancing on wheat fields. But...a reminder. A reminder that suddenly didn't feel like a burden. A reminder that was, instead, a gift.

Jimmy lifted his eyes to the sky. He hadn't talked to Delia since before his father had been killed. For a while he had visited her grave every day. He told her of his life and his sisters. He told her of getting the letter from Nettie. After that he just couldn't bring himself to face her anymore. But he needed to talk to her now. He needed to feel that she still loved him as she promised she would. He closed his eyes and felt for her.

From deep inside himself he felt the warmth wash over him. She hadn't left him. He had left her and he had ignored her for years but she had never abandoned him.

"I ain't done anything you asked of me, Delia," he whispered. "I'll do better though. I will. I promise you. I got good people around me. You'd like 'em. I think maybe they'd even like you. I don't know how to keep moving forward but I will for you. I promise I will. And someday…someday I will see you again, won't I? I have to believe I will. I love you sweetheart."

Jimmy stood a moment longer in the yard with his eyes closed and his face relaxed just feeling the love that his Delia still held for him. He had thought she was mistaken. That death would end their love. But she was right. He could still love her and she still loved him.

With the hint of a smile, he opened his eyes and looked around the station as if seeing it for the first time. This wasn't just where he worked and the men and women were not just those he worked with. This was home and they were family.

With one last deep breath he pushed his shoulders back and looked beyond the beautiful golden horse to where Buck was working.

"Hey Buck!" he called, surprising himself with the clear strength of his voice. "Need a hand?"

* * *

**So this is the end, my darlings. I feel bad about how it had to shake out. I knew this was the end all along and I think many, if not most, of you suspected this. I really had become attached to Delia. It hurt to let this happen to her...but it was honest. The rest of the story wouldn't have made nearly the sense without that happening.**

**The lyrics that follow are not what I would say inspired the story...but they make me think of Jimmy in this story. It often runs through my head when I write this.**

**So...this one is done. On to other projects now. Some of you might be happy to know that I have returned to Detroit in 1967...others might be happy to know that dear Gert and I have been plugging away at a new installment of GGS. Noah was happy about that anyway.**

**Before I close the book on this story, I have to acknowledge a few people without whom this story would not have happened. First, the initial crystallization of the idea came with the help of my dear Myrtle. RL keeps her from being as active in this, or any, fandom as she might like but she was so much a part of the birth of this story that I would be remiss if I did not mention her. My darling Gert helped me work some plot points and helped sift through ideas to sort the junk from the nuggets of truth. And I simply must thank my precious Beulah. Rarely have I known a soul with as big and loving a heart as yours, my dear. Someday we will meet and I will be able to give you a huge hug in person. Until that day, I will content myself with sending my love and gratitude for the time you take to ask the questions that make my scribblings so much better. You are...well, words...even as many as I know...I can't really find the ones to express how precious you are to me, sweetie. Thank you for all you do for me...with my writing and just the support you offer...the love and nurturing you give so willingly...so selflessly.**

**As always, I also need to thank the lovely ladies of the plus for always being there. Offering encouragement, a shoulder, an eye on my words, a hug, a smile, a prayer...for everything. I still am floating on air at having had the chance to meet a few of you in Rock Creek. What a trip...what wonderful evenings spent giggling and talking. You are special and the group we have assembled even more so.**

**And, as always, to you, dear and constant reader...for always being there...for not abandoning me when I lose track of things...or get lazy...thank you.-J**

* * *

Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise - Avett Brothers

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light  
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right  
And it comes in black and it comes in white  
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected  
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected  
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected  
Decide what to be and go be it

There was a dream and one day I could see it  
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it  
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt  
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light  
And in the fine print they tell you what's wrong and what's right  
And it flies by day and it flies by night  
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it

There was a dream and one day I could see it  
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it  
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt  
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There was a dream and one day I could see it  
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it  
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt  
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light  
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right  
There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light  
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it


End file.
